25 Things I’ve Never Told You (Or, a Writer Upping the Ante)
- By: Dave Ursillo
- Share: 59 Comments
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*Last night, something totally awesome happened.
I was listening in on a Live Fire Starter Session conference call with fellow renegade Jonathan Fields and the incredible Danielle LaPorte, and was blown away to have the incredible opportunity to actually chat with Jonathan and Danielle about my blog and have them answer my questions! Wow.
I’ll tell you more about the details of the conversation soon. But as a result of our discussion (this one’s for you, Danielle!), I realized that this piece about me needed to posted immediately. Hope you enjoy :)
—
A Writer Upping the Ante
“…bloggers, I challenge you to express yourself more fully. This felt really great. Try writing your own post like this. It might just be a breakthrough.”
And so concluded a unique blog post by Corbett Barr that I discovered this week and couldn’t stop reading.
In his post, 33 Things I’ve Never Told You (or, How to Re-Introduce Yourself and Kick Your Watered-Down Self in the Ass), Corbett opens up for the sake of self-expression and allowing his blog’s readers to get to know him on a very deep and personal level that he felt he hadn’t previously allowed.
Like Corbett, I feel that keeping a blog like mine can feel tough at times, for a few reasons.
I’m constantly pitted between allowing you to get to know me better through my writing and not wanting the blog to be all about me. You see, among all writers and bloggers in the world, the only thing that can really distinguish any sorts and styles and words of text in pixels on a screen is the personality behind it — the person who is actually writing.
It’s not pivotal to know who is writing the words for the words to have a genuine effect, but it helps more than it hurts, and can ultimately help bring genuine meaning and a level of humanness to the writing that it would otherwise go without.
Of course, writing a personal development blog on subjects like life and death, love and hate, the workings of our minds, and other “big picture” issues naturally brings about its own special set of critics — namely, the who-do-you-think-you-are?‘s who mistake my curious exploration of these subjects for attempting to outright, definitively tell you the “truth” or “answers”.
For me as a writer, writing is one form of my giving back and giving to others. It’s not that I have the answers, it’s that I hope it helps in some small way — in whatever way.
And so, here in this post I’ll accept Corbett’s challenge to express myself more fully. I hope you enjoy it and get to know me better. If you don’t enjoy it, that’s perfectly fine. But I do hope you will learn to own who you are, accept who you are, and like a Renegade begin to brazenly be who you are with little to hide and little to ever regret.
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25 Things I’ve Never Told You
1. I just turned 25. And, I’m not quite sure what to make of that yet. If anything at all. Above is a recent picture of me and my 8-year-old god-daughter (I’m not a father!), Giana.
2. I believe DaveUrsillo.com is on the brink of becoming huge. One of my goals for 2011 is to see this blog become an “A-List personal development blog.” I feel that a tipping point is close. It has taken me literally thousands of hours of grunt-work and a million mistakes, miscues and missteps to get to this point — there hasn’t been one single magical moment of instant success:
- no Digg front page stories,
- no out-of-nowhere celebrity mentions that fast-tracked success (a la Kim Kardashian and The Daily Love newsletter).
But, I’m not sure I’d want that. I like the slow, steady, hard-earned growth. Approaching the 2 year anniversary of when I bought the domain name on a relative whim (May 2009) before quitting my last “real” job, I feel that 2011 is going to be a huge year.
3. Ursillo means “Little Bear” in Italian. “Ursus” is Latin and “Urso” is Italian for bear, while -illo is a southern Italian diminutive suffix, meaning small or little.
4. My book “THE QUIET LEADER” has been rejected nearly 200 times by literary agents across the country. I hope it will be rejected 200 times more. I love that statistic, because it will serve as terrific encouragement and motivation to other aspiring authors when the day comes that my book(s) on alternative leadership become international best-sellers.
5. I’m often battling anxiety, tenseness or discomfort in social situations. This has been the case since I was a child and would go through bouts of separation anxiety. It still hangs around today. Once I get warmed up in a new group or situation, the insecurity/fear melts away. But it’s almost always there to begin with.
6. I once traveled 10,000 miles for love, which seemed crazy before I did it, and disastrous considering how it ultimately ended, but in hindsight was well worth the experience — for 10,000 reasons.
7. My mom is awesome, hilarious, and an amazing cook. I owe 90% of who I am, how I carry myself, what I write to her capacity for compassion and caring. My dad is also hilarious — the William Shakespeare of the art of cursing — one of my best friends and probably the hardest worker that I know. I had a blessed childhood and couldn’t be more appreciative of my parents and who they are. I never take it for granted.
8. Politically, I’m socially moderate and traditionally conservative. I believe in love, peace, compassion, strength, and liberty. My conservative roots are based in steadfast beliefs in the importance of allowing people the freedoms to exercise genuine human nature — specifically, the freedom of choice. I think taxes suck and big government is an economic scourge, and ultimately encumbers and inhibits citizens’ freedoms.
9. Sometimes I wish that I was a better artist. I envy the skill of highly creative people like digital designers. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always tried to translate artistic vision into reality, but 99% of the time, whatever I come up with ends up looking like complete shit.
10. I think tattoos are pretty trashy looking, but I absolutely love them. To me, the permanence or “forever” nature of tattoos genuinely reminds me that nothing is forever:
At first you think,
“…that tattoo will be on your skin forever…”
And then you remember,
“Well, wait… my life doesn’t last forever. My life is finite, it’s limited… my body is just a vessel, a temporary one, and will be gone some day — we never know when. Really, nothing is forever.”
I think that revelation is beautiful. Also, tattoos can reveal a whole lot about a person — for better or for worse. I dig tattoos on rocker girls (not covered in ink), think that most tattoos on guys look like shit, but I have one myself, and want more.
Caught wearing Giana's headband
11. I was raised a Catholic and consider myself a Christian with a particular appreciation for East Asian spiritualities like Taoism, Buddhism, and Confucianism. I believe that a universal Truth is weaved in every human religion and spirituality, but that each religion is inherently flawed — in many, many ways — because humanity is naturally flawed.
12. I once received a letter from the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission naming me as a co-defendant in a lawsuit against my college. It was thrown out. But opening that letter really sucked.
13. I love Las Vegas. I’ve been 4 times in my life. I love the energy of the Strip. Pure at Caesar’s Hotel is my favorite bar/nightclub in the world. I don’t like to gamble and don’t gamble hardly at all, though. The one time I did was last September when an older dealer named Ed (who was completely awesome and hilarious) at The Mirage taught me how to play blackjack. I cashed out when I was about $400 up.
14a. My earliest known ancestor was a Roman general. His name was Caius Lucius Ursulus. He commanded Spanish mercenaries in the early 2nd century AD. However, when emperor Severus banned Christianity in the Roman Empire around the turn of the century, my family relocated from Northern Italy to Southern Italy to avoid persecution. They were peasants for centuries.
14b. Another possible ancestor of mine was an ancient rhetorician. I discovered this myself, completely by accident. In a text called “On the Lives of Rhetoricians,” ancient Roman historian Suetonius references a man named L. Statius Ursulus of Tolosa in the index of the text. The entirety of the text did not survive the trials of time, and the chapter on Ursulus was lost. However, centuries later, historian Saint Jerome of Constantinople would later addend Suetonius’ text and describe Ursulus as “…teaching rhetoric in Gaul with great reputation”.
15. I often pray, though more now in my writing than in bed at night. I believe in God or a “God-like” universal presence in our universe. I don’t believe God is judgmental, vindictive, angry — those are human traits. I believe God or the “God-like” presence in our universe is pure Love, forgiving beyond our human ability to ever understand, and a giver in ways that we on Earth have no capacity to truly imagine.
Halloween 2010 in NYC
16. I don’t care what you think of me, but it bothers me when my words, intentions, or actions are made out to be deceitful or sinister. That bothers me a lot. Especially because I somewhat torture myself with my dedication to goodness and high ideals. I’m used to people not believing in my mission or understanding what I’m trying to do with my life. At first it hurt me, but by now I’ve learned to use criticism and outright hatred to my benefit.
17. I drink. Rum, vodka, beer, wine, tequila, occasionally gin, seldom whiskey, but sometimes all of the above in a single night. I like to party. Even still, I’m the responsible one that keeps friends in line and often has to take control of situations between 2:00 and 6:00 AM.
When you spend every waking minute exploring heavy subjects, trying to understand life and human nature, you quickly realize how important it is to rock out and act like a dumb college kid on the weekends. It keeps me grounded, and prevents my head from proverbially slipping into my own ass.
18. I’ve grown to have a problem with “institutions” because institutions function primarily to retain their power, protect insiders, and isolate/marginalize outsiders. This trait reaches the likes of religious institutions, academia (colleges and universities), social clubs, political parties, and so on. Maybe that’s why I associate with so few of them? *lightbulb*
19. I love superhero stories. I grew up on comic books, TV shows and movies like Spiderman, GI Joes, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers and X-Men. I wanted to be a superhero when I grew up (and I still do). They shaped my dedication to being a “Good Guy” and implicit conflict with “Bad Guys”.
20. I’m a romantic. At least, I used to be. In the last couple of years, I’ve reached an awesome place in my life where I’m wholly happy, at peace, and completely liberated to be single. I’m happily uninterested in dating life, relationships or any sort of romantic love. We often mistake love and romance for what becomes unhealthy attachment and addiction. I believe we wrongly assume that we are incomplete, “unwhole” or “lacking” without a romantic partner in life.
We are everything that we need, and a lover should only enhance that, while challenging us to learn more about others and ourselves.
21. I fear a world without the United States of America. I also fear that not enough people share this fear of mine.
22. I’ve never done an illegal drug, and I never will. You can call me a coward or “straight-line,” and I’ll tell you to screw. I realized a long time ago that have too little brain power to risk permanently damaging my brain with narcotics, even if it’s just experimental to “see how it feels.” I’ve witnessed the effect that many different drugs has had on people — that is experience enough to not have to endure it myself. As a child, I watched one of my best friends in the world turn to drugs, lose his direction and never come back.
Once, a girl I loved told me that I was missing out on seeing the world in amazing ways because I had never done a hallucinogen like mushrooms, acid, or LSD. I told her that I do see the world in all of it’s amazing ways, every single day — and that you can’t see it by poisoning my brain into believing you’re seeing things that aren’t really there.
23. I can fight when I need to. I have never needed to. I never desire it, but I am not fearful of it. I believe physical conflicts are no-real-winner, last-resort situations. Starting fights does not reveal or represent strength, only weakness. Goons in bars who pick fights are the bane of humanity’s existence.
Goofing around with cousin Lauren.
24. I am a good cook. A really good cook. I’m talkin’, medley-of-handmade-spinach-and-sweet-potato-gnocchi-tossed-in-a-light-butter-sage-sauce good cook. With my heritage being 75% Italian, it was natural that my mom and grandmother taught me all the basics. I’ve taught myself the rest. From what I’ve learned, cooking is 99% timing, and 1% ability.
25. I believe my writing will speak to millions. Confidence in my writing isn’t rooted in it being “mine,” but because it’s actually not mine at all:
I’ve realized that my ever-evolving understanding of life, of people and of our world has been similarly shared by thousands of renowned leaders, philosophers, and spiritualists over history.
I see the Truth in their wisdom in bits and piece of texts, writings, and lessons. I don’t believe any one person or group takes credit for this Truth — it’s embedded in a shared human consciousness, and is manifested into the reality of our world through men and women who dare to see it, to believe it, and to share it with others in their own ways, shapes and forms.
—
Well, that’s all for now. What did you think of this challenge to express myself more fully as a writer and personal development blogger? Maybe you know me better, and like me more, or like me less. The point is to use this challenging exercise to grow and to hopefully evolve my writing and blog. I think it might have even helped me learn more about myself.
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59 COMMENTS... READ 'EM BELOW AND SHARE A THOUGHT
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Dani Lamb
Hi Dave. I was on the call with Danielle and Jonathan last night as well. I came to check out your “on line space” more thoroughly today and love that you have immediately implemented some of her advice. Is she not the hot, rockin’ best? Best wishes for your continued growth and success. Peace, Dani
Jan 27 2011 / 02:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Dani!! Danielle is truly the best. She rocked that call.
Honestly, having been selected to speak with Danielle and Jonathan caught me so off-guard that my adrenaline was pumping for hours afterward. I didn't get to sleep until the early morning! So naturally I got to work and started to implement some of her suggestions :)
Thank you for your comment, hope you stick around for a while :)
Dave
Jan 27 2011 / 10:01 pm
Tessa Zeng
Hey Dave!
I was on the call last night, and had so much fun looking through your blog while Danielle and Jonathan had at it! What an incredible opportunity & congrats!!
I checked back here today out of curiosity to see what you’d post after the fact, and was pleasantly surprised to see this post. It’s been said over and over, but I feel like it’s only been this past week that I’ve truly started to understand why personal openness and vulnerability is so important, even as we’re tapping into universal truths. And last night, what with “Not being yourself is very risky business” (DLP), just drove that point home.
That said, it should be no surprise that I really loved reading this article. Especially 2, 4, 6, 14a, and 25. 21 about your specific fear is so curious to me, especially as you say you dislike institutions. In a sense, countries themselves are institutions! (Though you’re probably referring more to that which the US stands for, right?)
Anyway, I’m about to (officially) put my new website out there, and am trying to go deeper and more personal still with my writing. Really quite difficult! Thanks for the inspiration :)
Jan 27 2011 / 06:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey there Tessa,
So glad to know you were on the call with us :) Beyond the opportunity I was given (what a gift) to speak with Jonathan and Danielle, being able to meet so many incredible people who were also on the call has been amazing.
With regards to #21, you are exactly right, it is what the United States stands for -- namely, the incredible philosophical basis of its founding. :)
I can't wait to see your new website! Let me know if there's anything I can help with or do for you. My email is dave(at)daveursillo(dot)com
Dave
Jan 27 2011 / 10:01 pm
Eva
“I once traveled 10,000 miles for love, which seemed crazy before I did it, and disastrous considering how it ultimately ended, but in hindsight was well worth the experience — for 10,000 reasons.”
This meant the world for me to read right now, for 10,000 of my very own reasons. I commend you for this post. I’m always afraid of my clients/fellow writers/readers getting to know “too much” — for what purpose (fear of losing that “business edge”?) I’m not sure, but I do like to know that REAL people are behind REAL writing.
Jan 27 2011 / 09:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Thanks Eva :) These kinds of pieces are liberating. In some ways, they open you up to harsh personal attacks from critics and anonymous online "haters," but, f*$% them.
I'm a writer, and I'm also me, and I'm gonna own that.
I recommend this kind of an exercise :)
Jan 27 2011 / 10:01 pm
Paul Joseph
Love. This. Post. You are definitely a cool guy, Mr. Ursillo, but a cool guy with substance. You have something great going on here. Not many people our age would think to dedicate so much time and energy to professional development and growth when it is one of the most important things we go through in life. I know I don’t comment much, but I always read your stuff. You should know I get a ton out of it. It’s funny because I often wonder what so many of the writers I communicate with are like in real life. This was awesome because I feel like I have so much in common with you, which will keep me coming back because you “get it.” And I love that we share so many of the same views. Actually, I didn’t disagree with anything – well, aside from the tequila. Never could become a fan.
I relate to # 5 all too well. I think I’m getting better, but it’s still there. #22 is AWESOME. I never have either; I’ve actually always been against it. For that, I spent many nights alone, but whatever. I love the way you responded to that girl and I most definitely do not think you’re a coward. If anything, I think we are stronger because it’s harder to say no. Sometimes, I really feel like the only one out there in that boat, so that little piece of info just did wonders for me. And in regards to number 17, all I can say is when we both become famous authors, we better go party together. (Just no tequila for me….)
Jan 27 2011 / 11:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Your words mean much to me, Paul. Thank you for them! Sounds like we share quite a few things in common with one another. Keep up the strong and positive work on your blog :)
Jan 28 2011 / 04:01 pm
Jackie Lee
What an exceptional post. I loved Corbett’s too. I have yet to put one together myself, but I think the time is close at hand. Thanks for that last little push I needed. :)
Jan 28 2011 / 11:01 am
Corbett Barr
Hey Dave, fantastic post man. This is exactly the kind of thing that challenge was meant to evoke. It’s not about being completely transparent, it’s about showing us the real Dave, behind the scenes, which you’ve done so eloquently here. It sounds like we have a lot in common, and a lot not in common. I love that. It’s difference that we can all learn from. Now that I know you much better, I’ll be stopping by more often. Cheers and congrats. I hope this felt great.
Jan 28 2011 / 12:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Corbett!! I'm glad that this piece did you vision some justice. It was liberating as you yourself state.
It also makes sense that this blog needs to be more about me, not because I'm a narcissist or want lots of attention, but because if you (the reader) don't know me at all, the words couldn't resonate nearly as much as if you knew me personally. At least, that's my idea on it :)
I'm so glad that you'll be back! Rest assured I'll be following along on your awesome blogs as well.
Dave
Jan 28 2011 / 04:01 pm
Caren Albers
#7 and the last line in #10 endear you to me.
#19 – How about “Super Ninji Personal Development for Renegades” of ” Personal Development for Renegades and Super Heros.” I bet there’s not a lot of those out there.
#21 Wow! I agree and have never thought about it quite like that.
I just listened to the recording of the call. Elated that you were chosen and your questions plus so much more addressed. What a gift!
Love that the experience sparked this open sharing. I learned about you and me at the same time. Huh, isn’t that what we all hope good writing does?
Write on!
Caren
Jan 28 2011 / 02:01 pm
Geneve Hoffman
Hi Dave!
I had a funny feeling you were going to picked…I loved the question you asked about “should be focusing on what the audience/niche/market would buy, versus, what I as a writer ought to put forth as the best representation of who I am/what I stand for.” I think that is a question all entrepreneurs (no matter the product) ask ourselves and struggle with. So I was stoked you were chosen!
Thanks for sharing the 33 things above…my only comment…you may want to be careful sharing political leanings… :)–but at least you are being totally candid. I have found that is a HUGE hot button that should not be pressed with any potential clients (or my husband…lol).
Also–totally agree on the photo–I thought the exact same thing that Danielle did when I clicked onto your site before the conference call. Funny (it helps that I’m a photographer…I get paid to notice how people look–wish I was in your area!). Love that photo of you and your daughter too…
Keep on leading the way for us renegades! Best of luck.
Geneve
Jan 28 2011 / 04:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Geneve!
Oh believe me, I know how political discussions often go! I always say of celebs/musicians/athletes that there is little point in disclosing political beliefs; their fans who agree with them will like them more, those who don't might abandon them completely. However, I think earnest and intelligent discussions on politics are critical to the American process, and I'm determined to be a part of the solution to the problem of rampant partisan venom that's come to characterize our country today. :)
I had NO inclination that I'd be picked, but what an awesome experience it was -- outside of how nervous you can tell I sounded on the phone!
Thanks so much for your words of support on Jonathan's blog's comments, as far as I'm concerned it helped me get selected to speak with him and Danielle :)
Dave
*PS: The picture is of me and my god-daughter (technically, second cousin). Doesn't matter much, but I don't want to give the false impression to any of the lovely ladies out there (Emmanuelle Chriqui, Katy Perry, Rihanna, etc.) that I am a father. Not yet, not for a while yet :)
Jan 28 2011 / 04:01 pm
Geneve Hoffman
oops..sorry about that Dave! :) God daughter…you did seem kinda young for an 8 year old… I’m sure Rihanna will return your phone calls after reading this. LOL.
Jan 28 2011 / 05:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
If you know her, put in the good word for me :) Thanks Geneve!
Jan 30 2011 / 09:01 pm
Rebekah
I listened to the call today. Great changes to the site – cool that you implemented them right away. That right there is validating and inspiring to me as it made me realise there were changes I could make immediately as well.
Reading your post was an interesting journey. After about #9, I hesitated, wondered how much I wanted to know. It’s risky and intimate to write this way. I kept reading though, because you are different from me and yet I recognised myself in you (do you know what I mean? – I recognised our shared humanity). I really appreciated getting to know you. It was freeing. As a result, I was inspired to share more deeply on my blog too.
Jan 28 2011 / 08:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hi Rebekah!
I absolutely understand what you mean about the shared humanness aspect. That's what a piece like this hopes to instill -- some shred of connectedness or similarity between us, even though we've never met.
One thing I've often written about is how the more that we open up and share our fears, worries, and suffering with one another, the more we realize we're not alone in our suffering. In other words, we see how alike we are, and the pain of "why me" feels a lot less pointed, sharp, and lonely.
So, another cool aspect of this post! Helping drill that concept home :)
Jan 30 2011 / 09:01 pm
Jennifer
Dave! Great blog, you are an incredible writer. I also got on Jonathan and Danielle’s call and heard your story. As I read who you are above, I feel your authenticity. You WILL be successful as you predict.
Jan 28 2011 / 11:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Thank you for your supportive words Jennifer. Happy to connect with you :)
Jan 30 2011 / 09:01 pm
Tricia Hurtubise
Hi Dave. Thank you for sharing 25 pieces of you. I have been following your blog for awhile now and this was the first one that really opened my heart and I felt the urge to comment. I guess I wanted to get to know you better before I truly could hear what you had to say.
I am happy that you had the opportunity to work with Danielle on the call (I was hoping that you would!). Unfortunately I missed the call but I am going to listen to the recording right now and take a bunch of notes… she more than rocks… she is a superstar!
Jan 29 2011 / 11:01 am
Dave Ursillo
Tricia, I'm thankful you took the time to comment, especially because it's helped me learn an important lesson -- one Danielle began teaching on that call.
I need to allow readers to get to know me and my story better in order to *really* hear whatever it is I have to, want to, or am trying to say. I neglected to even consider that for a while.
Thanks for the impromptu lesson :) Please let me know what you think of the call when you listen to it!
Jan 30 2011 / 09:01 pm
Michele Shaw
Dave, i love this post for everything you revealed and the honesty behind it. One of the reasons I so enjoy following you on twitter is for your kind spirit. I love it when you post a thought for the day in the morning that is positive and encouraging. You absolutely should be confident in your writing. You’re already a success, and I’ve no doubt even greater success is in your future. Never stop writing and sharing!
Jan 30 2011 / 09:01 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Michele!
I'm glad you enjoy those off-the-cuff morning manifestos. I'm planning to take a whole bunch of them and create a series of morning mantras and mediations as a future Guide on RenegadeGuides.com :) What do you think of that idea?
Jan 31 2011 / 07:01 pm
Cheryl Chavarria
Dave!
I was on last week’s call with Jonathan, Danielle and you!
When you wrote: “I’m constantly pitted between allowing you to get to know me better through my writing and not wanting the blog to be all about me,” I heard a voice say, “BAM! That’s all you, Cheryl.”
I face the same challenge as a writer online.
I’m currently in process of rebranding my site from its current name Convivial Society to The Convivial Woman and have struggled with the idea of structuring the brand around me me me for the very reasons you mentioned above.
I want to share some passages from a book I recently read called THE ART INSTINCT by Denis Dutton (highly recommend the book!) as I believe it applies to this topic of why us writers/bloggers/artists need to put ourselves out there:
“High-art traditions demand individuality.”
“With people for whom the arts are a source of continual enjoyment, it is bedrock: the emotional feeling, the tone, the sense of a distinct outlook…of entering into the feelings of a mind that is not your own.”
AND THIS ONE
“…this intense interest in art as emotional expression derives from wanting to see through art into another human personality: it springs from a desire for knowledge of another person.”
Hope you feel those words just as I do and they can encourage you to be reminded that its a gift to our readers to “let them in.”
What a thrill to learn more about you! I plan to explore your site further. I also plan to give this exercise a try myself real soon!
Lastly…I believe your voice will speak to millions too.
See you on the journey:) I’ll definitely stay connected.
Feb 01 2011 / 12:02 am
Dave Ursillo
Hey Cheryl!
Wow, thank you for this recommendation. The book sounds completely awesome -- I'm putting it in my Amazon shopping cart now. :)
Best of luck on the re-branding. Once you take the leap, I think you'll see that it's much easier to roll with than it seems. Let me know how I can help in any way. I'll be tuning in often!
Thanks a million :)
Dave
Feb 01 2011 / 10:02 am
Heather
Dave – thank you so much for this – this is a freaking awesome post and such an inspiration to the rest of us who are letting fear keep us from really putting ourselves out there. I’m so glad that Cheryl (above) just introduced me to your blog.
Love that you know about your earliest ancestor – I’m so intrigued by people’s backgrounds and it’s one of the first things I want to know about people I meet. I don’t know who one of my grandparents is (except for the fact that he was a cook from Sicily) – you’ve inspired me to start digging again to find out more.
Thanks! Looking forward to reading more from you!
Feb 03 2011 / 05:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Heather! I'm so glad that Cheryl introduced you to my site :) "A freaking awesome post" might be one of my best compliments!
I'm happy you found this exercise a worthy one. I'm looking forward to challenging myself to push the envelope further and getting to know you better!
Best,
Dave
Feb 04 2011 / 05:02 pm
Ellen Berg
Dave,
I was also on the call with Danielle Laporte and Jonathan Fields, and I came back today to see how you’d implemented her advice. (You also solved a little problem I was working on for my own site–thanks!)
I love this post for its authenticity. I tell my students all the time that writing is about telling the truth and telling it well, no matter if it’s fiction or expository or whatever you’re trying to create. Why would the reader trust the words of someone who’s hiding who they are or attempting to be someone they’re not? But then, being willing to be authentic has a lot to do with radical acceptance of self.
Incidentally, I dealt with social anxiety for YEARS and have only slight twinges these days. Of course, life bombs have a way of demanding you change or go crawl in a dark corner for the rest of your life, so I had a little help facing that demon.
Best of luck to you!
Ellen
Feb 05 2011 / 02:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
Ellen, I think the lesson you teach your students is an incredibly valuable one. :) I'm happy we had this chance to connect as a result of the Fire Starter Session with Danielle and Jonathan. And I hope my writing can provide you a reason to stick around here for a while :)
Dave
Feb 06 2011 / 04:02 pm
25 Things You Don’t Know, maybe « Blog: Caitlin: Walsh: Writer
[...] February 8, 2011 walshcaitlin Leave a comment Go to comments Inspired by Dave Ursillo’s 25 Things I’ve never told you, I’ve decided to do a list of my own. Even though they are numbered, they are in no [...]
Rachelle
I loved the honesty of this post! Although our blogs are in completely separate realms from each other, I also often contemplate whether becoming more personal on my own blog would help or hurt it. I want a personal voice, but I also want it to be about other artist’s work.
I can really relate to you on a few of these points: 6, 9, 11, 17.
And I might just have to think about doing one of these posts for my own readers now!
Feb 09 2011 / 10:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
Rachelle, I'd highly recommend this kind of a post as an exercise for a writer. The further benefit is that it's a very liberating as a personal development practice!
Feb 11 2011 / 08:02 am
Steph
I just saw your link to this on Twitter and was like, “Hey! Procrastination!” So I clicked it. (College. What can I say, it’s an art.)
Anyway. I love that you posted this. Because so much of what you write is meant to help others, that it’s cool to see where it’s all coming from. Especially since it’s all so honest.
Heh. Tequila. Not my favorite. I stick mainly to rum, vodka, white wine, and beer, with some whiskey thrown in on occasion. But never, ever tequila.
I’m glad I’m not alone on #22. Most of my friends smoke pot, at the very least, but I’m not willing to risk my future for temporary gratification. And it’s really hard to see the world around me, and to feel things, when I’m too numb to, you know, feel. And I love what you said in response to what that girl told you about not being able to really see things unless you do drugs. Because drugs don’t really help you see things; seeing things helps you see things. And then I write poetry about it.
And #15. I recently started writing poetry again. To me, it feels like a sort of spiritual exercise. I’ve had conversations with people before who thinks it’s “depressing” that I “have no faith.” Which isn’t true. The peace some people feel when they pray, is how I feel when I write. I may not know whether or not I believe in God, but I do believe in something. Love. Compassion. The goodness of humanity. Poetry is my connection to these.
And not to sound creepy, but your god-daughter is completely adorable =)
Feb 09 2011 / 11:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
Hey Steph! Thanks for opening up for this comment. What a piece like this has taught me is that when you open up and share your secrets or fears with the world at large, they suddenly have very little power over you.
Maybe the only power they have ever had is in our minds... our ego fearing that we are weak and forcing us into a scared state of mind.
My advice? Own your true Self, trust instinct and your intuition in spite of criticism or being misunderstood.
PS, she is a princess!
Feb 11 2011 / 08:02 am
Jennifer Joseph
I already liked your blog but then I see you’re wearing a Green Lantern shirt and my opinion has soared haha. Great list..I like that you chose interesting bits of information about yourself. My favorite part (besides the superheroes) is: “We are everything that we need, and a lover should only enhance that, while challenging us to learn more about others and ourselves.”
Feb 10 2011 / 12:02 am
Dave Ursillo
I also have spiderman and venom tees :)
Feb 11 2011 / 09:02 am
Srinivas Rao
Hey Dave.
Love this post. There’s a reason I featured you in my list of 24 bloggers who will entertain, inspire and inform the world in 2011. I didn’t know that story about the book proposal. That’s amazing. I also didn’t know you had a daughter. More power to you for taking on so much responsibility. I do think you’re well on your way to becoming a top notch personal development blogger. My favorite think about posts like this are that we get to know who you are outside your blog.
Feb 10 2011 / 10:02 am
Dave Ursillo
A god-daughter, Srini! (She is a close cousin's daughter)
It was an awesome surprise to see my name on that list of yours, along with some incredibly impressive people. Looking forward to what 2011 brings... :)
Feb 11 2011 / 09:02 am
Andraya
Wow. I think that will increase your audience and make this – your blog, your business, everything – even more important to you. I think that was really great, and it’s given me a lot to think about. It’s odd how we can become so personal at such an impersonal level. Anyways, thank you!
Feb 10 2011 / 02:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
Happily, Andraya. I hope to open up more and more as time goes on and share who I am (and who I continually discover myself to be)!
Feb 11 2011 / 09:02 am
Judy Black
I agree with number 20 (and most of your other ones) so much. So many people think that a relationship will ‘fix’ them or make everything suddenly great. I am a firm believer that until you truly love yourself you cannot truly love someone else, at least not as an even trade.
Feb 11 2011 / 08:02 am
Dave Ursillo
Judy, I agree with that point and think we all ought to hammer this concept home come this Valentines Day!
Feb 11 2011 / 07:02 pm
Stephen
You have inspired me. Not in a “you made my day and I might tell someone about this blog”, but a “you’ve solved a problem I’ve been mulling over for too long” type of way.
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for some time. I’ve been wanting to share my thoughts and philosophies for even longer. I mean hell, I studied philosophy and Eastern religions, worked as a personal training, compete in various sports and martial arts, while wrestling with multiple sclerosis. The problem has been my work as a professional communicator has had me bent around thoughts of target audiences, strategy, tone, tactics. This post has promoted me to forget all that stuff and be true to what I want to say pure and simple. And for that, I thank you.
On another note, we have a few things in common. My finance’s surname is Mackova, which means little bear in Slovakian. My heritage is Italian and we both love cooking, suffer mild social anxiety and love super hero stories (but who doesn’t).
Best of luck achieving your goals. You’ve helped me achieve mine.
Feb 22 2011 / 09:02 pm
Dave Ursillo
This is a real compliment, Stephen, thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts. You truly ought to just start writing. Blog whatever you think you should. Be fluid and open to changing as things change in your life -- as many bloggers come to learn, it does take time (6, 8, even 12 months or more) to find your "voice" and hit your stride!
Now, you better keep me in the loop when you begin! :)
Dave
Mar 29 2011 / 09:03 pm
16 Reasons Your Literary Agency Shouldn’t Sign Me | DaveUrsillo.com
[...] leadership concept called THE QUIET LEADER (since rebranded as Lead Without Followers) was rejected upwards of 200 times from literary agents from [...]
The Journal I Never Kept: Depression & Me | DaveUrsillo.com
[...] I tend to keep things to myself, and ultimately, these sorts of experiences greatly help me in the long run because I learn so much from them — hyper-condensed periods of challenge and learning and growth — and I’m thus able to share these valuable lessons with others through my writing and speaking. [...]
minna
i am a big fan of #5.
i have an inkling that more people can relate to #5 than they’ll admit…which makes me feel not-so-alone. whew…
Apr 12 2011 / 09:04 pm
Dave Ursillo
The more we share these sorts of usually "private" details, minna, the more connected and similar we realize we all are as human beings :)
Apr 15 2011 / 08:04 am
robbie
Dear Donnie,
I am a fan of #17. I am also #600- hey, come see my room.
-Luigi
Apr 18 2011 / 08:04 am
Name
Simply killing some in between class time on Digg and I found your article . Not usually what I choose to examine, but it surely was absolutely price my time. Thanks.
Apr 23 2011 / 04:04 pm
Dave Ursillo
Happy to have you here my friend, even if by accident! Feel warmly invited to return soon and email me at any time, Dave@DaveUrsillo.com :)
Apr 26 2011 / 09:04 pm
Listening is Learning
[...] with time I’ve learned that being an introvert (and striving to avoid the “noise”) has provided me with a unique strength that [...]
7 Things I Never Told You | In Search of Squid
[...] a link to a blog I hadn’t read before. I started clicking around the website and ran into a post that talked about letting people in. I mean REALLY letting them in. And it sort of struck [...]
25 Things About The New 25-Year Old | Unlock The Door — Unlock The Door
[...] seeing this kind of post around the blogging world done by guys like Marlee Ward, Corbett Barr, and Dave Ursillo, I thought it was time to do my new version, and present you with “25 things you didn’t [...]
Meet Amy: 27 Things I’ve Never Told You | Strong Inside Out
[...] was reading through some of my favorite blogs and came upon Dave Ursillo‘s post, 25 Things I’ve Never Told You (Or a Writer Upping The Ante), which lead me to Corbett Barr‘s post, 33 Things I’ve Never Told You (or, How to [...]
heykatieben
Cool post, Dave – I’m inspired to do something similar. :)
Jan 12 2012 / 09:01 pm
DaveUrsillo.com | 26 Confessions I’ve Never Told You [+ANTI-RESUME RELEASE]
[...] 25 Things I Never Told You (Or, a Writer Upping the Ante) was an idea that I borrowed from my buddy (and all around incredible guy), Corbett Barr — a personal challenge to see if I could open up a lot more and really share things about myself that I hadn’t ever told you, my readers, because this technological medium can tend to be pretty impersonal. [...]
Wes Roberts
Dave…
…great reading all this
…looking forward to more time to listen/talk/listen/talk etc.
…will be trying to chase you down today
…good beginning to today, already
…am currently mentoring the Associate Dean of a major educational institution here in the Denver area, and helping him “upset” the status quo there for the good :-)
…told him about your website and encourage him to tell his students about it
…you set am exemplary model of living forward, growing forward
…looking forward to doing just that with you as our friendship unfolds
…this day, be on the watch, something/someone is going to bless you in a surprising way. :-)
…Wes
Feb 13 2012 / 10:02 am
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