Yesterday morning, I decided to go for a run to get into a nice, early-morning flow of energy and inspiration.

I took off from my South Boston apartment just before 7 AM to head towards the Harbor where there’s a beach and perfect bike path neighboring a 350-year-old, colony-era fort. The 2-mile loop is awesome for pacing out nice runs on beautiful summer mornings.

I stretched, prepped my iPod, and got my chi energy all nice and primed and ready to go — OK, in truth I was still half asleep — and started running.

Around .6 miles into my jog, like Neo in The Matrix, I suddenly dodged an enormous bumblebee that was headed straight for my face. Close call averted.

And then, about 3 steps later, another bee – an apparent cohort of the bumblebee who previously failed to attack my face — succeeded in dive-bombing directly into my eye.

Thankfully, because of my evasive maneuvering (ie, wildly thrashing my limbs and trying to scraping away from my eye whatever it was that flew into my face), the sucker only stung just below my bottom eye lid, which, still, invited an immediate and curse-laden tirade that would make Kenny Powers blush.

A man walking his dog witnessed this.

A white bulldog.

The dog was far more judging with his eyes than even his human owner.

I’ll be honest. Getting stung by a bee in the face was not an awesome way to start the day.

It threw me for a total loop, and all of the effort I was concentrating into a gradual build-up of motivation for a day ahead full of writing and excellent things was suddenly gone. Escaped. No where to be found.

Face still stinging, left with only a judgmental bulldog and his discriminating looks.

In that moment, I thought I was screwed. I was worried that my day — one that I really wanted to be productive — was already a disaster: I was frustrated, without concentration, had totally lost the flow of the moment and now felt my mind being peppered by aggravation and that crazy, uncontrollable inner dialogue and…

And then, I just… stopped.

I kept on running.

You see, you conquer the circumstances that unfold in your life — even those random, chaotic events that make you feel like a total victim without any semblance of control — by your choice. You laugh at yourself, you simply carry on. You explicitly decide to conquer it with the unapologetic power of your mind and thoughts.

Conquer it, or allow it to conquer you.

Choose to conquer the circumstances, and refuse to choose to allow them to dominate you.

Stop making excuses, whether explicit (“This has ruined my day”) or implicit (“Well, I got off to such a slow start earlier today after…”). They do little but to prolong something you don’t desire and reinforce in others your inability to take responsibility for your life, decisions and actions.

Put your foot down, and that’s it. You just move on.

And you’ve already won.

Yes, you can use "rock star" as an adjective! :)

When I got back home, I decided that I would make my day an absolutely epic and excellent one.

We really needn’t reinvent the wheel, here.

You turn a bad day around by laughing it off and choosing to do something awesome and fun, whether by doing something playfully immature, or by changing an old habit and mixing up your schedule, or by breaking a rule just for the hell of it.

You don’t have to fix “waking up on the wrong side of the bed” by waiting until you go back to sleep and trying all over again come morning. Choose to. No, really choose to. Make the brazen decision without remorse or second-guessing. Laugh. Smile. Push on.

And maybe next time, wear sunglasses… or swim goggles.

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Of all such wildly uncertain things that reign forever unknowable through the days and nights of life — those plaguing confusions and confrontations; miscues and missed opportunities — I find myself suddenly well-afforded as my daily attention drifts less to these nagging thoughts and wonders, and more to the fundamental essence of life: an incredible truth, an undeniable reality, a beautiful wonder more poetic than any hymn or rhyme of God Himself.

We are all connected! Bound and boundless!

The fundamental essence of life is that each human being is not separate and alone, but permanently interwoven with and in the universal and eternal presence of God or Spirit — we are the very thread that binds the weave, and each woven from it, ourselves.

Every thread is unconsciously tasked to hold its undeniable and inimitable place among the greater whole. And each frayed strand weakens the entire cloth — a dullness, a tear, a rip that obliges the threads surrounding to strain all the more to hold life together and in place. But every thread — each life, yours! — may within itself strengthen and grow, reaching ever widely, positively touching the lives of others in deep and meaningful ways, thus binding the weave ever-tighter.

We are all connected far beyond our ordinary comprehension, our simple sight and fingers’ touch!

See it in the faces of strangers on the street. Harness it in the passion within your chest and soul. Feel it in the wind that blows, the sway of the grass and the trees, the ebb and flow of the ocean’s tides. As the presence of Spirit is among and around you, so too is it within you.

It is the very energy that constitutes all matter, all life forms, every element, every potential. Oneness.

Relish in the fundamental essence of life; this incredible truth. Bath in the beauty and wonder that this world is far less a chaotic and victimizing purveyor of things that our minds incessantly ponder and suffer over, and far more a weaver of love and light — that life, and each of us together, make up the weave itself.

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Flickr photo credit: LatinaPower2009

When I thumb through my old pocket-sized journal, I always stop at March 12, 2009.

I had used that notepad for scheduling, phone numbers and reminders when working my last “real” job: a body man to a state officeholder and campaigning gubernatorial candidate. An image of my scribbled notes from that day are pictured here.

When I look at those scribbles from that day, I’m overcome with a rush of memories — or perhaps, more accurately, a desperate rush of faint blurs.

You see, that March day was both the first and last day that I took prescription anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication as it had been prescribed to me by a physician — without anyone else’s knowing. The first day quickly became the last because of the sharp reaction my body had to that the anxiety med, in particular: I can barely remember what happened that day.

The tiny little white anxiety pill prescribed to calm my nerves turned me into a totally zonked out, medicated zombie. The day was a complete blur. I have about 5 distinct memories from the day. Maybe a minute of total recollection.

As my uncharacteristically sloppy notes reveal, I could hardly write coherently, let alone function in my daily duties as a driver, executive aide and body man.

March 12, 2009 was not my first or last experience with depression. But when I flip through that old notebook, that day is one day that I’ll never forget — even though I can barely remember it.

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Why, Why Now, & Why We’re Here

Almost two years into my journey as a writer, after fielding dozens of questions and writing hundreds of blog posts, there’s one question that I can’t believe no one has ever asked me:

“Have you ever been depressed or diagnosed with depression?”

I’m not sure why this question has been asked–especially since I’ve fielded so many questions from readers who are themselves dealing with feelings of depression and sadness.

I’d say I have probably been depressed between 1 and 3 times in my young life. I can’t really be sure. I was diagnosed once, and kept it a secret. There were a few other times in high school and college that I could probably say were prolonged periods of mild depression.

If I had to guess, I’d figure that if the question ever crossed your mind, you probably dismissed it outright.

After all, I’m that self-described “perpetual optimist” — the one who writes of love and light and life’s intrinsic goodness. The one who strives to live for others, to uplift those in dark places, to inspire millions with earnest words of encouragement and positivity.

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Depression & Me

Today, I’m going to share with you things about me that I’ve never told anyone.

These admissions will probably surprise many people, especially my close friends and family members. This is difficult for me to write because of the very personal and “secretive” nature of my experiences with depression. But that’s just my personality.

I tend to keep things to myself, and ultimately, these sorts of experiences greatly help me  in the long run because I learn so much from them — hyper-condensed periods of challenge and learning and growth — and I’m thus able to share these valuable lessons with others through my writing and speaking.

Of course, the point of this blog post is not to host any sort of personal confession.

My reasons for opening up to you and sharing these stories — a complete, personal expose on my personal history of depression — are because I’m feeling very inspired, determined, and renewed. It’s just time for me to open up.

1. I want you to know the story of depression and me in vivid detail in hopes that you too might feel inspired or determined or motivated to conquer your own demons.
2. I want you to better know the human being behind the name and face on this blog.
3. And I want you to know that the guy who strives to write words of inspiration has actually had a personal history of depression and anxiety; something you’d probably not have otherwise figured.

Reflect back to the quote above by Ralph Waldo Emerson: If but one person comes across this story to realize that depression is not the end-all, be-all of his or her life, but perhaps a mere blip; then my own experiences with depression will have been even more worth the battle.

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March 12, 2009

That March day wasn’t my first or last experience with depression. And it doesn’t truly sum up the story of depression and me. But in many ways, it does: it’s a unique snapshot into a point and time in my life where I struggled for direction both in my life and in my head.

It’s a lasting imprint of the struggle that compelled me to abandon a working experience and lifestyle that were completely non-conducive to my sense of purpose, passion and fulfillment in life.

Here’s all that I remember from that day, during which I scribbled those above illegible notes in my notepad:

• Breakfast meeting with fundraisers. Dad was there. Eggs on a Styrofoam plate.
• Nearly losing control of my car. Bumping the curb during a sharp turn. My boss, “Are you alright?!”
• Fiddling with a curtain separator in the hallway of the State House.
• Talking to a boss. Explaining I took Sudafed without breakfast. Felt lightheaded earlier, fine now.
• Calling my doctor. Instead of 1 whole pill, take 1/4th of a pill.
• Late afternoon. Dark office, lights off. Conference call with New York. Topic unknown.

It’s peculiar to remember a day in such vivid detail considering I remember so little of it at all. And the memory is not affected by the two years that have passed since: this much I remembered during that very day; it’s all I could remember that night and for days afterwards.

But right now you should be asking,

“How did it get to this point?”

Great question. Like some of my previous experiences with bouts of depression, this one began with heartbreak. Isn’t that so often the story? But truly, the details of that situation don’t much matter.

The heartache triggered severe sadness and feelings of uncontrollable anxiety. But far beyond the heartache — which always recedes with time — it was my working environment itself that exacerbated the acute symptoms of depression and anxiety: My work ran so contrary to my nature, my morals, my beliefs, my dreams.

I believe this deficit of fulfillment, of purpose, and the extreme challenges my work in politics posed to my spirit are what most greatly forced depression symptoms upon me.

I worked long hours of brainless, unfulfilling duties that were made out to be life-and-death decisions in a “head in the clouds” political atmosphere. I was pitted to “play the game” or choose to side with my deeply rooted and unshakeable values.

• I didn’t eat much. There was no time.
• Exercise? I found myself sitting in my car’s driver seat for most hours and on most days. My hands and wrists were developing arthritic symptoms and carpel tunnel from gripping the steering wheel so hard for hours upon hours.
• I became pretty brutally ill twice in three months. My immune system didn’t put up much of a fight.
• I was down to my lowest body weight in years, and not in a healthy way.
• I lost touch with my friends. I stopped laughing. I just wanted to sleep. I found no real joy in much of anything.

These symptoms, of course, are typically indicative of depression. But I really didn’t need to check WebMD to know I was depressed.

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Deciding to Take Charge

I decided, largely out of a feeling of sheer desperation, to turn to a doctor. Of course, I had the option to open up to my family and friends. But at this time, I was still operating under a “Work is supposed to suck + your misery is a just part of the ‘real world`” social paradigm.

Only a few weeks into working in that working environment, I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment to discuss options. Yeah, I believed in “mind over body.” I questioned the “disease” and “chemical imbalance” descriptions of depression. And all things considered, I frankly didn’t care.

I needed some sort of help; a boost, however minor.

And I figured that a prescription could help me regain some semblance of inner balance and peace of mind in some way. After talking with my doctor, I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety. He prescribed a well-known anti-depressant and an anxiety medication. I put in the prescription at my local CVS. Then, I picked it up.

Dramatic, huh? And so the big fear, the reluctance, the social stigma… it was a big to-do about nothing.

Many people hesitate seeking a doctor for the social stigma associated with depression. Others worry about the side-effects of prescriptions. Your experience might be similar or different, but the point is that the social stigma is no reason to continue to suffer in your head.

Talk to a doc. That’s what they’re there for. They want to help you, and they will.

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The Path of Life & A Toilet Flush

After my blurred experience with the anxiety pill, I decided to stop taking that medication immediately. I gave the anti-depressant a whirl for a couple weeks. I didn’t notice any improvement in my depressive symptoms, but I also didn’t experience any noticeable side-effects.

I admit that I didn’t stick to the prescription, so I probably never gave it enough time to even have an effect. After a few weeks, I stopped taking the prescription altogether. I can’t really say why. I just stopped.

If you know me at all, you know that I tend to push the envelope and try to take things to a new level — even if it’s only to make a point; if only to make the point to myself. Ultimately, the best medicine to remedy my depression was to decisively quit that job.

On my final day, I wrote a short piece on my work computer, printed it out, and taped it to the top of my computer monitor. Only one coworker knew I was quitting. The note (the first blog post on DaveUrsillo.com) intended to explain it to the rest:

I have puttered along in veiled darkness for long enough.  With as little proof as the visual sight of the dirt under my feet, I now realize that I must be so brazen as to push on, to blaze my trail through the thickening fog, toward whatever end that lies beyond.

While the burden began to be lifted, the symptoms of depression lingered for months. Throughout the summer of 2009, while I had left the world of politics behind, I still battled difficult and prolonged feelings of sadness and anxiety. The depression was still there.

One afternoon, I decided to take my battle with depression to a new level. I just wanted to overcome it myself without even the option of the anti-depressants or anxiety medication I had been prescribed to help me.

I took the prescriptions to the bathroom, dumped them in the toilet, flushed it, and there was no looking back.

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Darkness of the Mind

So, what was depression like for me?

I summed up the sentiment in a blog post (the second ever here at DaveUrsillo.com) called Darkness of the Mind — a fitting title representing the disorder we otherwise call depression:

That bastard Darkness grips with bruising strength.

A trampling horse, it runs through the mind in such a way that all other thoughts are forgotten. They become so distant that Goodness is rendered a figment, barely recalled by memory.

Darkness is a danger and Darkness is a threat, for its nature is viral and contagious. It spreads through the mind, weighing so heavily upon it.

When Darkness grips a soul, its effects are not only observed but truly felt by others. But that bastard Darkness has little defense, for darkness itself cannot be created.

Ever-defiant, depression’s effect on my daily life throughout my working experience was one that carried over through the summer months of 2009 and into the autumn.

At some point around October or November of 2009, the burden had been lifted. I remember asking myself, Am I still depressed? I guess not. And that was basically it. It wasn’t a sudden revelation or immediate outcome. It was indeed a slow and gradual elevation from that dark place into one of survival.

I just kept walking. I struggled to find direction and the early months of my writing on my blog reflect that. I just did what felt natural. I did what I felt I needed to do with my life to turn things around. I disregarded what naysayers told me, I defied those who were critical. I blew off the input of others that was blatantly unaligned with my vision — not because I “knew I was right” and “knew they were wrong,” but because I was hellbent and determined to carry on the path that I had seen before me a year before, one October night.

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Rethinking Suffering

How often do you rethink your past, your own personal history, and rethink your suffering?

With the story of depression and me, a few things are clear: my greatest, most difficult days and weeks and months of suffering within my own head provided me value. Depression gave me chances to change my life for the better.

And I’m thankful that I ultimately took a leap of faith, going on a hunch, and trusting some bigger force in play beyond my ability to understand it.

What once felt like a curse, today depression feels like my gift, my privilege; it persistently reappeared in my young life not as a burdening disease it had seemed, but a God-delivered opportunity for me to unlearn everything that I thought I knew — allowing me to realize truth of the things that I had neglected, rejected or misunderstood but desperately needed to learn.

What once felt like an enslaver, depression has been my quiet teacher: the one I’ve loved to hate, the one no one else has ever really known about.

It has taught me the incredible power that thoughts possess over our bodies; that perceptions can genuinely dictate physical realities; and most of all, who I truly am in this life (and, just as much, who I’m meant to be).

Depression was indeed a gift, given thrice over.

If you’re suffering with depression, you won’t feel the same. In fact, you’ll feel far from it. But one day, through all the fight that you can muster here and now, you can reach this point.

When I rethink my suffering, I switch the “victim” mindset to one of “victor.”

Each hyper-condensed, no-choice-but-to-face-this-demon bout of depression was not only temporary but necessary for me to become the person that God or Jesus or Buddha or Yaweh or Allah or the Universe or even Justin Beiber (!) intended me to be: a conduit of Spirit, through whom words and thoughts would flow from a place of shared consciousness — far beyond my capability of ever creating or even understanding — and reach the ears and eyes of those who, I trust, are intended to indulge them, embrace them or challenge them.

A dreadful recurrence; that putrid presence. I don’t expect you to understand the whole story between depression and me.

But perhaps in knowing that the story even exists, you might be inspired to rethink and reinterpret your own suffering; your history with depression; your reluctance to admit it to yourself or talk about it with family and friends; or overcome your hesitation to seek out a doctor.

Yeah, I’ve been depressed.

And if I’ve made it this far in spite of depression, just imagine how far you can go, too.

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Through the power of choice, POWER FROM WITHIN espouses that may each realize our potential, gifts, and purpose in life; unleashing our limitless potential and enabling every soul to truly thrive.

Why did I release it for free on DaveUrsillo.com? Skip below to read why.

UPDATE May 3rd 2011: I’m happy and honored to announce that POWER FROM WITHIN is now available for purchase and instant download on Amazon Kindle for just $0.99! It will remain free for your reading enjoyment always, but if you’d like to download and own your own copy, head over to Amazon and download it now! :)

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Part One: The Seeds

TOO MANY SOULS shall pass idly through life without blooming into their fullest and most vibrant of colors. The tragedy is not in the shortcoming alone, but that so few realize the extent of their unlimited potential.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt a strong connection to that which I can only describe as something beyond me―a source greater than my individual self.

My name is Dave Ursillo, and I call myself a writer.

I write less by choice than by necessity: each instance that I and others like me put pen to paper, we channel an unremitting drive to express sentiments that originate beyond, as if deeply engrained in a collective consciousness―some universal, human spirit.

To write is to escape; it is an outlet of release. Each strike of ink dispels the pressure like molten rock bursting from beneath Earth’s surface. If only for moments, the burden is lifted.

Me, Dave Ursillo

And as impassioned writers come together to share and improve their craft, on a much greater scale has the entirety of human civilization united over the course of history to collectively advance toward a greater tomorrow. We all are working amongst and on behalf of one another. Each individual contribution is shared by the greater whole―each individual setback is a setback for us all.

Thus, the ideas within the pages of this book feel less like “my own” than an equal possession of every man and woman who ever has and ever shall walk this place called Earth: I am not an inventor, I am not an academic, I am certainly neither a sage nor a clairvoyant; instead, I am an extremely ordinary young man living an ordinary life among millions of others quite like me.

And yet, for all that we as humans share―spanning that collective consciousness; our civilized progression toward an elusive and distant end-goal; and, finally, in our material and physical likeness―each and every individual being is completely exceptional and wholly unique.

No two are truly alike, and within our imperfect completeness, each human being naturally possesses an unlimited wealth of potential for inner growth and self-realization. All of these, when freedoms allow and as nurtured properly, lead to a human life’s greatest and most humble of aspirations: true happiness.

As each human being is unlimited in his or her potential and every soul is entirely and exceptionally one of a kind, I do suppose that this work—having been written by my hand—is in some way unique as well, for it is a piece of me.

Potential, Power & Choice

And it is truly a piece of me: Power from Within is a short manifesto containing a series of deeply-rooted personal beliefs that I strive to live by. These theories are based upon self-discovery, compassion, and selfless giving, among others.

I can only hope that these principles may provide some inspiration or guidance―however major or minor―to readers who so choose to engage them. Of course, what is best for me may not be best for you.

Nevertheless, as of this writing, what I espouse in Power from Within I truly believe with all of my heart and soul. Even if my opinions, beliefs, and living philosophies change as I grow; this book, like all of my writing, will forever carry some part of me with it.

When a human being bears his soul unfettered, he hasn’t so little as a cage of ribs to safeguard his heart. He is vulnerable. Thus, he must be an idealist, or an ideologue, or something in between.

Such is the nature of any dream’s pursuit. There will always exist a caste of onlookers, critics and naysayers who chide a dreamer and say, “What a farce… what an ingrate… what a reject…”. Let them. For, a precious few who might fathom a dreamer’s strife shall stand by his forlorn side and say, “Nay, he is but a leader… a dreamer… a heretic… a renegade…”.

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Part Two: The Soils

WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE or consent, Seeds of Life are strewn about the Earth: some land in rich soils, others arid wastelands. Although so much is beyond them, all that take root are meant to sprout―each bestowed some chance, however grand or slim, to grow most full.

Seeds of Life

Before we develop a conscious understanding about our world and the nature of life, we are born into a series of circumstances and living conditions that have been influenced beyond our control.

The very creation of our lives was facilitated by others and dictated by chance―a process begun wholly beyond us.

Born a mere fraction of a greater whole, we grow older knowing little but what is before our eyes: a physical environment, a social core, a series of living conditions. With time, we slowly gain greater cognizance of what is around us.

We gradually understand that people, places and things interact as parts of something much larger.

However, we only go so far as to associate our unique surroundings as a representation of the entire status quo: what we see as life is life, and not just for those within our range of vision, but for all who live.

Whether privileged and comfortable or severely disadvantaged and struggling just to survive, the circumstances that we understand to affect the majority within our scope of vision become what we identify to be the terms under which all people live. We innately deduce that that which affects our lives must equally affect the living experiences of everyone else, as well.

It is naïve. But perspective, as they say, is everything.

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To the children of suburbanite America, life ebbs and flows between regimented education and limitless imagination: the confines of school and freedom of play. Each material comfort is as natural as the sun that shines. Vibrant, green grass is plentiful and lonesome, serving in wait to be graced time and again by small, swift feet. This is their world.

Birth Was Beyond Our Choice

To the children of the slums of Calcutta, life ebbs and flows between suffering and stagnancy; sickness and death. Rubbish lines cramped dirt streets like heaps of hay; children frolic among them as obstacles in games of hide-and-seek. Puddles of human waste seep into stale channels of water that are used for washing and drinking all the same. This is their world.

Were it the choice of the seeds alone, they would surely be strewn upon lands of richness and fertility; of peace and tranquility.

Alas, the circumstances of our creation―the very decision that we should be born at all―are forever beyond our control. We have no ability to choose how, why, where or by whom we are brought into this worldly existence. To some, the boundaries and limitations that confine each human being’s creation might appear to be a most great injustice.

However, no matter what soils we are obliged to sprout and live, unlike mere seeds themselves we humans grow into maturity possessing a unique gift―a most powerful tool―that serves to equalize every injustice that we are born into.

This gift is possessed by all human beings and holds the capacity to alter anything in our lives and the lives of all those around us: the power of Choice.

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Part Three: Choosing to Bloom

WE ARE BUT SEEDS! Within the confines of a shell so small lies a wealth of potential for growth and color. To sprout was beyond our will, but to bloom is by our choice alone.

To Bloom: To Flourish from Within

Human beings are exceptionally unique as free-willed creatures.

And though heavy boots of totalitarians and tyrants may march upon our soils, pressing seeds and sprouts and flowers of life into submissive restraint, they can never―and have never―succeeded in wholly conquering the Free Will of the human spirit.

Even amid history’s most horrible instances of mass murder and genocide has the determination and free will of the human spirit persevered to overcome despotism:

• The dark age of slavery gave way to a new nation based upon equal rights and freedoms for all.
• The Jewish Holocaust claimed the lives of millions, and yet failed to shatter the spirits of millions more who chose not to quit but to fight on, to survive, to outlast that tyranny.

Indeed, beyond the litany of differences that characterize the circumstances of our births and the environments we grow into―spanning time, social and political conditions, and physical location―as human beings, the possession of the power of Choice ensures that our potential is always as equal as it is equally unlimited.

Beyond the inequality of the conditions of our lives, the power of Choice is an equalizer―a inherently human force that grants each human being an identical and incredible power.

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We are but seeds!

And the gift of life entitles us to something greater than what is merely before our eyes. This existence, this physical form, is rich with much that is hidden in plain sight. A wealth of gold greater than ten-billion suns is there for all to see, if we merely obtain new sight and view it.

Our happiness, our inherent longing for fulfillment in life, can be discovered in limitless forms and places―our individual and collective happiness can be embodied and achieved in unlimited ways.

The foundation for happiness and worldly fulfillment is already and always in place; all that is needed is wholly within.

This is our gift, our privilege―humanity’s greatest asset. This is our power from within.

By the power of Choice, the child of suburbanite America can one day reach the slums of Calcutta to tend to the sick and educate the illiterate. By the power of Choice, the child of Calcutta can one day raise his family from the destitute wastelands of poverty to the comfortable soils of prosperity, opportunity and new life.

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Begin Your Journey

Of course, Choice alone does not ensure success. The battle is hardly an easy task, and embarking upon a dream’s pursuit does not guarantee the journey will ever be made complete.

Nevertheless, Human Will ensures the equal ability of all human beings to harness the power of Choice and pursue any dream or goal. No dream is ever made real without first the choice to pursue it.

Regardless of what hindrances and injustices hamper our happiness in life, the power Choice always remains an equalizing force that can change our lives for the better―so long as we choose to let it. As Lao Tsu wrote ages ago, “The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.”

No matter how distant the vision or dream, nothing but choice can begin the pursuit itself. As human beings, the power of Choice is already and always within us. Any amount of power that we think we might require to pursue happiness and achieve fulfillment can come wholly from within.

We did not choose to be brought into this life, but we can choose how to live it. A litany of circumstances brought us here, influenced by the choices of others and further dictated by chance. Beyond our decision and control, others have obliged us to sprout and to grow.

Nevertheless, from this moment forward―regardless of who we are, what we do or where we live―the choice to grow, to thrive, to truly flourish in life may only be made real by our decision alone.

We must choose to bloom.

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Part Four: Branch Out

WE DO NOT BLOOM for the sake of bearing our colors alone. To choose to bloom is to take up a new and most great purpose in life: beyond the self, on behalf of others. To bloom into new, brilliant color can reverberate with an unbelievable and limitless effect throughout history, for all time. Choose to bloom only if you dare to forever better the world.

Branch Out: Extend Out to Others

A flower blooms to nurture life and continue the existence of its species. As human beings, the survival and perpetuation of our species is analogous, but our purpose in life is hardly so confined.

Modern science has only just begun to confirm what our species has long suspected: the emotion of happiness radically benefits a human being’s quality and length of life. One person’s happiness can go so far as to infinitely improve the quality and length of the lives of others around him or her, as well.

All human emotions, behaviors, attitudes, and lifestyles are literally contagious―they both subtly and overtly influence and affect the lives of the men and women who live among and around us in our social circles.

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As the implications of our attitudes and behaviors can radically alter and affect the lives of those we live among, to strive to better our inner selves means to strive to benefit the lives of everyone around us.

To intently practice to be a better and happier person―to bring out the very best of our unique personalities, talents, gifts, and passions―is not selfish, self-serving, self-centered, or egotistic. To harness power from within is to strive to radically change our world:

• to influence goodness in the lives of those around us by our example;
• to invite the very best in others to emerge and flow forth;
• to live a giving, humble, and compassionate life among our neighbors and in our world as selfless, quiet leaders.

The nature of humans before civilization was simply to survive. The nature of human beings in civilization is to go beyond survival—it is to thrive. To bloom is to harness an amazing power nestled deep within your human core. Call it your Spirit, call it your Soul, call it whatever you will.

Within the heart of each human being, there lies a seed of Hope. Within that seed endures a wealth of potential for happiness and fulfillment―and not just for yourself, alone; but for each and every person whose life you touch.

What we do individually, in this life, and collectively as a human species will pass on to generations after us and reverberate throughout history. What we do individually, within ourselves, can profoundly transform the world.

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Part Five: Bear Your Colors

TO BLOOM IS NOT to bear our colors for ourselves alone. To bloom is to nurture a pollen of love, of compassion; to cultivate the nectar of our talents, gifts and passions. To bloom is to foster the colors of our individuality and our uniqueness from deep within. We choose to bloom so that others whom we encounter―even the strangers who pass us by―might carry with them what we offer, and they to others, infinitely throughout time.

Our Love is Carried On by Others

We choose to bloom not because it is easy, but because the benefits are indisputably real.

That “living” would be forced upon us beyond our choice would appear to be a great injustice. Who is to decide that we should live but ourselves?

And that so many Seeds of Life should be strewn into lands of poverty and pain and suffering, and entirely against their choosing, would seem to be a most harsh and undeserved punishment! But in this world, few things are so overly simplistic.

Life is a precious gift. It is rare, it is fleeting; each instance of life is special, every human soul is unique.

Having been born into this world without any say or opinion is no burden; it is a great miracle, rife with so much opportunity and chance should we muster the courage to embrace it all.

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Out of hundreds of billions of genetic possibilities—a conceivably limitless combination of factors, combinations, influences, causes and effects that could have birthed anyone else… it was you who was born.

Against the greatest odds, you have been bestowed this privilege. Along with that gift, there comes some responsibility―though many are not afforded the liberty to embrace it, and others who may instead choose to neglect it. Although our individual perspectives are confined within the walls of our own minds, we don’t live and die within the confines of our own individual worlds.

The effect of our individual lives reverberates through everyone around us: our families, our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers, and the strangers living among us.

What both benefits and hurts us necessarily benefits and hurts all those whom we encounter. And not just those souls with whom we personally interact, but others who they interact with that very day, and tomorrow, and forever–throughout time. As our lives impact and effect everyone around us, the gift of life also requires us to uphold an important responsibility to live this life most fully, and upon our own terms:

• to follow our hearts;
• to do in life what our spirits call us to pursue;
• to both believe in and live for the betterment of others;
• to go beyond our mere survival… to truly thrive from within.

We may choose to live this life immersed in our world and among all its people, or die having lived in spite of them. The latter is perhaps the greatest regret of all; the former promises a wealth of richness and joy that can–and shall–forever flourish.

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Copyright © 2011 David Ursillo Jr. POWER FROM WITHIN is now available for purchase and instant download on Amazon Kindle for just $0.99. It will remain free for your reading enjoyment always, but if you’d like to download and own your own copy, head over to Amazon and download it now!

…but if you trust, then knowing doesn’t really matter.

If you allow the pace and Will of your heart to guide your sails with intuitive winds, you begin to rely on something stronger than simple “knowing.”

You don’t know what you’re doing, and that’s perfectly fine. Will you ever give up the illusion that life is an equation that can be mastered? Will you admit—if only to yourself, if only for the sake of humbling your ego—that there are no answers to life’s biggest questions?

Over history, humanity has long suspected the mysterious something within ourselves that knows our purpose greater than our conscious minds. We call it intuition. We call it instinct, our gut, our heart. Destiny. Fate. Our logic and our reason naturally clash with this eternal mystery of internal-knowing. But when you tell yourself, “I don’t know what I’m doing,” you are neither admitting defeat nor surrender. Suddenly, the pill of “not knowing” becomes just slightly easier to swallow.

Going without knowing. Trusting without must-ing. Living without over-willing.

This is the Art of Direction Without Destination. This is the Joyful Frustration of Indefinable Being.

An Identity Challenge

“If there was one thing you could tell me about yourself to let me get know who you are—other than your job title, line of work or describing ‘what you do’—what would it be?”

I posed a challenge to my friends across Twitter and Facebook a few weeks ago. I asked you to describe “who you are” without regurgitating “what you do.”

From what I’m told, the hardened association of “who I am” and “what I do professionally or in my career” is apparently a very American characteristic. And it’s no real surprise that we as human beings would assign intrinsic value to what a person does for a living: it’s another instance of our brains categorizing and sorting through assumptions, labels and stereotypes in attempts of better understanding this new person whom I’ve just met.

But is what I do really who I am?

The Joyful Frustration of Indefinable Being

Call me an idealist, call me an ideologue… I don’t believe what I do encapsulates who I am. Maybe that’s because of how frustrating it is to try to define what you’re doing when it doesn’t have a cushy label, a cozy title, an assigned salary with a numerical value.

At the same time, I’m overjoyed to live an existence that doesn’t have a simple label, title or description. I’m striving to live a life of indefinable Being. Don’t get me wrong. It’s scary. It’s unknown. It’s frustrating. It invites critics and cynics and being completely misunderstood.

And I can safely say, I don’t know what the hell I am doing.

But as soon my life bears a hardened, stagnant definability… I’ll know that my mission is going awry. I’ll know that I must break free and begin anew. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing. But, I trust. So “knowing” doesn’t really matter.

…Do you?

If you don’t, inquire within yourself as to why. Then, stop asking altogether. Instead of trying to logically explain your answer, feel. This is trust. Don’t reason or rationalize. Pause your thinking: your mind is but a tool, not a way of Being.

What does your heart know, that your head can’t ever truly understand?

Shift from your mind and to your heart. Shift away from “self-improvement” and into “self-mastery”. Shift away from “personal development” and into “potential-realization”. Shift from “Life sucks and then you die” and to the Art of Direction Without Destination.

And, most of all, shift from “You don’t know what you’re doing” to the Joyful Frustration of Indefinable Being.

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Flickr photo by: Ethan Lofton