Resolution: To live more deliberately, intently.

Theme: To align “vision” with plans of action, deliberate courses and missions; setting more numerous and greater goals to strive for and ultimately attain.

Focus: To find direction by looking forward rather than only using hindsight to look back and realize the path that has been tread.

Purpose: To elevate my blog, my writing, my life and life-philosophy to higher levels of purpose and achievement — both for myself, individually; and my readers/everyone in my life.

Outcomes: By the end of 2011, I will be part of a new wave of “A-List Personal Development Bloggers” on the international and online scene, while leveraging my first contract for a nonfiction book alongside a talented and slightly “renegade” literary agent :)

Personal Goals for 2011

• Write 5,000 words/week in personal journals, notebooks, e-books, works in progress, and on DaveUrsillo.com
• Post at least 2 quality blog posts/week on DaveUrsillo.com – between 110 and 120 total in 2011
• Travel to and explore at least 3 new “far-away” locations, and a fourth international destination
• Refine my lifestyle to include even healthier living, including regularly practicing yoga and exploring tai chi
• Explore new ideas and philosophies in reading many new books by new authors for at least 7 hours/week
• Launch at least 6-10 products (e-books, apparel, e-seminars, etc.) in 2011 to create total financial independence in 2011
• Break out of my shell to meet more new people – every day
• Begin regularly speaking to a variety of audiences – one per month or 12 total in 2011

Wishes for 2011 (for Me, You, and Us Together)

1. I want you to see that convention serves purpose, but that those purposes are not always noble.
2. I want you to try something different, and often.
3. I want you to be love, no matter the anger you feel.
4. I want you to be forgiveness, no matter how hardened your soul.
5. I want you to live compassionately, no matter how closed off and fearful it seems.
6. I want to strive to better understand what can’t ever be fully understood.
7. I want to better understand what some part of me understands, but my consciousness can’t yet fully grasp.
8. I want to help others rethink the ordinary in extraordinary ways.
9. I want to inspire people to question what is and what is not.
10. I want others to wonder incessantly, to dream without end, to pursue without reason and strive just because they can.
11. I want you to want more, not because we are greedy, but because we each deserve better.
12. I want us all to recognize that Love is a language.
13. I want humanity to live better among one another.
14. I want people living in cities to smile at each other on the street, and not to live in fear.
15. I want young men and women in impoverished communities to reach deep within themselves to find their true identity, and not look outside of themselves for a false sense of belonging and empowerment.
16. I want you to be you.
17. I want you to be a quiet leader.
18. I want you to live knowing there are more heroes among us than villains.
19. I want ripples of goodness and positivity to shake your core, and like a bell, to vibrate and ring that same goodness again through others.
20. Some day soon, I want you to be able to do and feel and be all of these things without having to read my writing, or anyone else’s.
21. I want you to explore the workings of your mind, both conscious and subconscious.
22. I want you to recognize that there is always Choice, no matter the circumstances.
23. I want you to feel what Is when you close your eyes and open your heart to the universe.
24. I want to drill into you that your uniqueness is a masterpiece and a gift.
25. I want you to know that imperfection is beauty, and that incompleteness is whole, all the same.
26. I want to pretend to be a rockstar and wear gaudy, cheap sunglasses. Regularly. Because it is very, very fun.
27. I want you to laugh, especially at yourself, not because you’re a joke but because not being able to take one is lame.
28. I want you to call yourself a renegade, and because you believe in yourself, and deny the cynicism and pessimism of our society.
29. I want you to live life boldly, proudly, and brazenly.
30. I want you to take risks, no matter how small.
31. I want you to help restore our country to strength, peace and hope.
32. I want you to help our species restore its collective faith in ourselves.

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Flickr photo by: Stuck in Customs

If living for others is selfless and good, than is focusing ourselves selfish and bad?

Although thinking and acting exclusively for ourselves is indeed selfish, to place focus on one’s own self-improvement and personal development–becoming happier and more positive, fostering a stronger and more compassionate spirit, striving to be a better person–is not selfish because bringing out the best of your Self will certainly benefit friends, family members and all of those whom you encounter.

When we are happy, those around us are influenced to feel happiness. When we are positive and tranquil, those around us will feel more positive and tranquil, too. When we strive every day to bring out the best of ourselves, others around us necessarily benefit. In this way, focusing on ourselves is not selfish; we actually serve to better ourselves on behalf of others.

How to Better the Self Without Being Selfish

The definition of selfishness is to be more concerned with one’s own interests, needs, and wishes while explicitly ignoring those of others. Being selfish means that you show that your personal needs and wishes are thought to be more important than those of other people. To be primarily self-concerned is to necessarily neglect others. But by these definitions, couldn’t striving to better ourselves through introspection and inner growth be considered selfish, as well?

Here on DaveUrsillo.com I write a lot about self-improvement and personal development topics. Am I endorsing people to be more selfish? Hardly. When we intently focus on ourselves with the goal of becoming better persons, we are not acting selfishly so long as the betterment of who we are on the inside will benefit those around us, from our families and friends to coworkers and strangers we encounter every day.

Social studies prove that one’s own happiness has a direct influence on the happiness of family members, friends, and other men and women with whom we interact. There is a direct, though often subtle, connectedness between how one’s mood and actions can influence the mood and actions of others. Happiness begets happiness, and sadness begets sadness. Thus, when one embarks upon an inner journey to improve his or her Self– one’s spirit or soul, who one is on the inside–one person can necessarily come to improve the lives of those around him or her because more compassionate, happier, and positive people have a direct influence on everyone he or she encounters and interacts with.

Improving the Self is like Improving One’s Health

An equivalent of self-improvement and personal development through which one strives to better the Self in an unselfish way is focusing on one’s own health through exercise, eating well or even quitting smoking. Few of us would ever consider exercising, eating healthily or breaking the addiction to smoking cigarettes as selfish acts, and yet they place deliberate focus and attention upon one’s Self.

As with striving to be more healthy, improving our inner selves necessarily benefits those around us, too. If we quit smoking and live healthier lifestyles, we are lengthening our lives not only for ourselves but for our families and friends and all of those around us. When we strive to improve our thinking patterns and behaviors, and work to develop our inner spirits to be warmer and happier, everyone that we encounter benefits.

Showing concern for one’s self over others is selfish. But when we strive to become happier and more positive, work to foster a stronger and more compassionate spirit and become better people, we explicitly place attention on the development of ourselves for the definite betterment of those around us. In this way, we focus on ourselves without being selfish, because bringing out the best of us is what’s best for others.

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I learned a long time ago that the best way to alleviate one’s own emotional pain and suffering is to–perhaps, counter-intuitively–not focus on ourselves, our pain or its causes; but instead to focus on others.

Specifically, when we focus on giving to others, the emotional anguish with which we’re struggling so mightily suddenly becomes weaker. It lessens and lessens and gradually fades away completely.

Is focusing upon giving to others simply a method of avoidance? Are we choosing to ignorantly run away from the causes of our pain and anguish? Hardly.

Choosing to focus upon giving to others instead of harping upon our pains and sorrows is something much greater. To give–especially in times of great personal trial and difficulty–is to foster an immovable sense of love. This love provides us with a new-found strength in life; one capable of overcoming any negative thought or destructive emotion that we may ever encounter.

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Giving to Others is a Way to Give Back to Ourselves

The negativity that results from trials, challenges, pain and suffering in life self-perpetuates. Negative thinking and negative emotions beget more of the same; before long, negativity can cause us to spiral into a deep, dark place, from which we fear we might never reemerge.

Although the idea may, at its inception, seem completely counter-intuitive, the truth is that when we concentrate and focus upon giving to others, the pain of our suffering begins to weaken before disappearing completely.

The irony is something beautiful. As we suffer, we become entrapped in our suffering. We cannot think of or focus on anything but ourselves and our pain.

And yet, when we make a concerted effort to focus on others–especially, giving to others every day, even through seemingly trivial acts of kindness and smiles and good deeds–the pain and suffering in which we have become entrenched begins leave us.

On our worst days, inner pain and anguish make us feel like we’re drowning; barely able to keep our heads above turbulent waves and rushing waters. By intently focusing on giving to others, we suddenly find a life-preserver floating beside us. We realize that we won’t drown. We realize that we will life. We realize that we have found new purpose to swim onward.

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