“Giving” is one of those muddled-over buzzwords that we overuse so much that it actually loses significant meaning.

It’s like when you hear a social media expert say “engaging in discussion,” or a blogger tell you they are “building a community,” or even politician talking about “change” … your eyes start to gloss over and maybe even roll back into your head. You hear a voice within you crying out, “We get it already!” and any shred of significance in what the person is attempting to say is suddenly lost.

I learned a long time ago that it’s not what you say that counts—it’s what people hear. As such, for someone like me, it’s not enough to tell you how important and amazing and beneficial “giving” is for you and those around you.

Today, I want to invite you to contemplate — just contemplate — the concept of giving as being about manifesting a legacy of love.

You build a legacy of love by acting here and now—in the moment, today.

What you share with others (not so much “things” as the actual act of giving, charity, selflessness, and truly love) builds an eternal channel of positive energy between spirits. This bridge is a potent and powerful one. Even across seas, I’ve realized how the generosity of a friend creates a compelling sensation within me that demands to reciprocate the generosity of another soul: the act of giving feels intrinsically different than “a deduction of my possessions” or “my loss.”

Instead, you want to give because what the other person receives in benefit—the surprise, the gratitude, the enjoyment, the appreciation—is as much a gift to you and your spirit.

This is the essence of giving. This is how you manifest a legacy of love.

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33 Mantras of Giving

1) Giving is my antidote for a societal obsession with “more”.

2) I gain from what I give, not always in sums or quantities; but in space, time and freedom.

3) When I give with earnest intentions, I reap a bond between giver and recipient that lasts infinitely.

4) The purest form of my giving is that which no one notices—only feels—because giving is owed no accolade.

5) The sun gives without question; it expects nothing in return.

6) The greatest current of the human spirit is love. When I give, I accelerate that current like great river rapids; the force moves everyone and everything in its path.

7) When you give until it hurts, you feel what Love is. When you give beyond its hurt, you know what Love is.

8) I give beyond my means, because the richness of my spirit is boundless.

9) I give at my inconvenience, for providing for another is greater than the simple cost of my time, energy and attention.

10) Giving diffuses my Ego—the great hoarder.

11.) Pure as the air, gentle as a passing breeze, a selfless act goes so unnoticed. But, the wind carries pollens of love that life could not survive without.

12) Draw back the shades I hide behind, I own my face for Love is blind. The flower that dares to stretch toward the sun is the flower that bears brilliant colors of love.

The Nature of Giving

13) When I give for impure reasons, only the recipient gains. When I give for pure reasons, we both are the better for it.

14) We live among and for one another, not against and in spite of others. To better one is to better all.

15) When a tree bears more leaves and fruit than it can hold, a branch may break, but the tree stands tall.

16) Like a star’s light eons and ages away, and act of giving endures forever—even if the action itself has long since expired.

Giving and Receiving

17) I distinguish “giving from love” from “giving to portray love.”

18) Giving is not alone the exchange of goods and desireables, but life lessons and discipline.

19) Only giving toys to win the affection of children is to confine their love to the toybox.

20) For me to give someone my “quiet” is to give my understanding, deep listening, and earnest compassion.

21) I give myself credit not because it is owed, but because it is earned within myself.

Giving for Myself and Others

22) To give yourself appreciation and love is not vain; it is humble acceptance. Self-love teachers others to accept themselves as wholes.

23) I loathe in others only what I loath about myself. When I give peace to those whom I judge, unfair judgments of myself diminish.

24) Enemies who challenge me, hate me, and hurt me, give me the means to evolve. Rock could not turn to fine, beautiful sand without the pummel of violent waves.

25) I give myself opportunities to grow by giving myself opportunities to fail.

26) Giving beyond myself does not always win hearts. Indeed, it can blind me to think our love offered is so loved by another. But, all the same, giving beyond myself teaches others that they are worthy of such love.

Giving Quietly

27) I give loudly only to conceal quiet gifts I give that ought to go so unnoticed.

28) Suffering entraps my attention; I suffer further. When I suffer but choose to give my attention to others, I am freed.

29) I give others chances for redemption, because forgiveness is the Great Liberator.

30) I always remember to give myself a break.

31) I give others the benefit of the doubt.

32) I give others the opportunity to laugh at me, because humility never hurts anything but my ego.

33) When I hoard or deprave another of my giving, I only extend a trend that has caused my own suffering.

Action Point:

What would you add to the list? Why? And what do you believe helps to builds your legacy of love?

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Flickr photo credit: karamsingh

Alms or “almsgiving” is a religious rite of several major worldly religions including Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and Judaisim.

The rite of almsgiving pertains to acts of selflessness and charity, such as giving money to the poor or donating of material goods to a religious institution to benefit underprivileged and disadvantaged members of the local community.

In Buddhism, almsgiving or “Dāna” is a cornerstone for laypeople to begin pursuing the path of enlightenment. For Christians, giving of alms or “offertory” is ceremoniously carried out as parishioners donate small sums of money during Mass to the Church for the purpose of helping the impoverished. Almsgiving or “Zakat” is also one of the five Pillars of Islam, which obliges Muslims to designate portions of income and business profits to the poor.

11 Unconventional Ways to Pay Daily Alms

Donating small sums of money can really add up and make a significant difference in the lives of others. In fact, recent studies show that low-wage earners are the biggest givers of donations per capita — and the target recipients of these donations are often completely secular causes. Even still, what are some unconventional ways to pay alms to others during a severe recession, when families are scraping and pinching coins just to pay their bills? Thankfully, there are many ways that we can each “pay daily alms” to others, whether in among our families and friends or on the street and in our local communities.

1.) Smile Often

Smiling is one of the simplest forms of giving daily alms. Smiles are contagious; when someone smiles at you the chances are great that you will be compelled to smile back. Even if you’re not beaming with happiness, try your hardest to smile in the presence of others — even forcing a smile can influence your brain to feel happier!

2.) Do Someone A Favor (Ask for Nothing in Return)

William Somerset Maugham once said, “The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.” Somewhere along the line, we pick up this idea that doing a favor without getting anything in return is a great injustice; that it opens us up to being taken advantage of and makes us look weak. To the contrary, doing a favor for a friend, loved one, or coworker is to embody love and live up to the ideal that our good deeds can be manifested in other ways, outside of receiving something as a reward.

3.) Perform a Random Acts of Kindness (to a Stranger)

Have you ever been wonderfully surprised by a random act of kindness carried out by a stranger? Perhaps it was something simple like someone holding the door open for you, or offering a hand picking up the supermarket display you accidentally bumped over. Pay it forward. Take a few seconds and a bit of energy to do something special, even on a whim, for a stranger whose path you may never cross again.

4.) Laugh (and Make Others Laugh)

Laughter is contagious, so never hesitate to laugh when given the opportunity. Laughing can brighten anyone’s day, even when they are enduring difficult times and great suffering. Make someone laugh.

5.) Don’t Take it Personally! (Driving, Commuting, Etc.)

How easy is it to take someone’s poor driving or rudeness during your morning commute personally? Instead of taking it personally and reacting as if someone has literally spit into your face, brush off others’ discourtesy and poor manners. Better yet, laugh it off, or be even more intent on performing an act of kindness to a stranger to break the cycle of negativity.

6.) Emit Positivity (Offer Encouragement, Optimism)

Give off good vibes. Offer friends, family and others encouragement and optimism during the day-to-day. The smallest efforts to help others focus upon the positive aspects of life and living situations can help our loved ones subtly refocus on their priorities, uphold an optimistic outlook and ultimately reap a good or beneficial outcome.

7.) Apologize (Even If You Feel Justified)

The ego within us refuses to apologize during conflicts or disputes — instead, it compels us to want to hold a grudge, to become entrenched in our staunch refusal to concede any ground. Go ahead and give alms to others by offering an apology, even if you believe your actions or behaviors were justified. The worst outcome is that you have combated the strength of your ego and humbled yourself — both from your own perspective and in the eyes of others.

8.) Give Forgiveness

It’s one thing to apologize; it’s another to forgive. It’s certainly difficult to forgive those who have wronged us. It’s another thing entirely to completely forget. If someone offers you a sincere apology, there are few reasons to not offer forgiveness. Oftentimes, we act as if resisting forgiveness is a last remaining bullet in our gun’s chamber; that if we refuse to forgive someone who has hurt us, we will forever protect ourselves from them and, in doing so, threaten their ability to ever move on from what wrong they have done. However, when that shot is fired and forgiveness is given, we realize the past that has haunted us becomes dead — that, while we still remember lessons learned, now we may begin to let go of the past and on to a better tomorrow.

9.) Reach Out (Simply Offer to Help)

There are people in your life who are enduring difficult times. You might be surprised how much it can mean to those men and women to simply reach out to them and offer to help in any way that you might be able to. There is no shortage of methods of modern communication — from phone calls to texts, E-mail, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, and countless others. Simply reach out to someone whom you think is in need of help. That gesture alone can mean a world of difference.

10.) Give Advice (From Personal Experience)

The life you have lived is a completely unique experience; along the way, you have certainly learned an abundance of important lessons and a wealth of unique knowledge. Never sell those lessons short. If you can, and the other party is willing, offer to give advice from your personal experience for the sake of helping someone who may value your knowledge.

11.) Offer to Listen (Some People Just Need Your Ears)

Similar to reaching out to someone in need, offering to just listen to someone’s issues, problems or difficulties can really mean the world. A lot of times, talking about our issues or problems relieves the feeling of isolation and feelings of “Why Me?” and instead creates a bond, a bridge of understanding that we are not alone in life. Reach out and offer to simply listen; sometimes, people just need your ears.

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Last week, I had the honor and pleasure of having a written contribution posted on the popular personal growth blog, LifeOptimizer.org.

In the piece entitled, 7 Ways to use Humor to Make New Friends, the mission was simple: explain to readers how being positive, utilizing humor and embodying a lighthearted attitude are naturally attractive and can thus be the means to create new friendships with others.

Although the only goal of the blog post was to denote the simple ways that humor can help make new friends, the piece began to take a life of its own: as I reflected upon personal experiences of meeting and befriending new people, I quickly realized that the traits that comprise what we commonly understand to be a humorous, lighthearted attitude (positivity, happiness, openness, authenticity, humility, etc) are, in and of themselves, the means to forge genuine, meaningful and lasting connections to others:

…There is something special and sacred amongst human beings when it comes to sharing happiness and positivity. When you share laughter and joy with others, they become happier themselves and desire to share more of the same with you in the future.

Humor is not only a great way to make friends because people are naturally attracted to positivity, happiness, and laughter; these simple methods that help bridge a social disconnect between people and overcome awkwardness with strangers further reveal that humor and happiness forge a subtle but powerfully meaningful connection to others.

Happiness and Sadness are Contagious

Utilizing humor is one simple way of inviting others to want to be around you, and thus, helps create new friendships. But, on another “deeper” level, the attitudes and emotions that comprise a typically “humorous” nature like positivity, happiness and openness help create meaningful connections to others that have the ability to last a lifetime: happiness and positivity tap into a greater, universal appreciation of life. The pursuit of happiness is a uniquely human characteristic; an unmistakable component of the human psyche and the human soul.

As more time progresses, growing scientific research is developing to corroborate what many men and women over history have long understood: human emotion, behavior, and feelings are contagious. We discussed this sensation months ago here on DaveUrsillo.com (see “Becoming a Conduit of Happiness“) and now even more research has been published to shed light on the contagious nature of human happiness and sadness:

“This is the first time this contagion has been measured in the way we think about traditional infectious disease,” said biophysicist Alison Hill of Harvard University. Data in the research in the July 7 Proceedings of the Royal Society comes from the Framingham Heart Study, a one-of-a-kind project which since 1948 has regularly collected social and medical information from thousands of people in Framingham, Massachusetts.

Earlier analyses found that a variety of habits and feelings, including obesity, loneliness, smoking and happiness appear to be contagious. In the spread of happiness, the researchers found clusters of “infected” and “uninfected” people, a pattern considered a “hallmark of the infectious process,” said Hill. “For happiness, clustering is what you expect from contagion rates. Whereas for sadness, the clusters were much larger than we’d expect. Something else is going on.”

As more and more scientific research is released to corroborate a long-understood, human appreciation and attraction to others who are happy, is it any question how humor and positivity attract new friends or forge lasting and meaningful connections?

Focus Not on Humor Alone, But All That Comprises It

When we intently and purposefully focus on using humor to forge quiet but meaningful connections with new people, the secondary or unintended effect is that we are subconsciously obliging the workings of our minds to become more positive: you will gradually become more positive in your thinking and behavior because a sense of humor is really just indicative of one’s personal happiness. Thus, you’re nurturing a more attractive and more “contagious” demeanor.

Just as we seek out happiness in our daily lives through fulfilling work, hobbies, personal interests and family life, so too do humans seek out and wish to be surrounded by happiness on an interpersonal level: happiness and sadness are contagious, and we all wish to catch the happy bug.

Humor helps forge friendships because we wish to surround ourselves with people who are happy. Therefore, our goal shouldn’t only be to use humor to make new friends, but to focus on all of the positive attitudes and emotions that comprise a humorous and lighthearted nature. By embodying happiness, positivity, lightheartedness, openness and humility, we nurture a stronger and more “contagious” state of being.

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If living for others is selfless and good, than is focusing ourselves selfish and bad?

Although thinking and acting exclusively for ourselves is indeed selfish, to place focus on one’s own self-improvement and personal development–becoming happier and more positive, fostering a stronger and more compassionate spirit, striving to be a better person–is not selfish because bringing out the best of your Self will certainly benefit friends, family members and all of those whom you encounter.

When we are happy, those around us are influenced to feel happiness. When we are positive and tranquil, those around us will feel more positive and tranquil, too. When we strive every day to bring out the best of ourselves, others around us necessarily benefit. In this way, focusing on ourselves is not selfish; we actually serve to better ourselves on behalf of others.

How to Better the Self Without Being Selfish

The definition of selfishness is to be more concerned with one’s own interests, needs, and wishes while explicitly ignoring those of others. Being selfish means that you show that your personal needs and wishes are thought to be more important than those of other people. To be primarily self-concerned is to necessarily neglect others. But by these definitions, couldn’t striving to better ourselves through introspection and inner growth be considered selfish, as well?

Here on DaveUrsillo.com I write a lot about self-improvement and personal development topics. Am I endorsing people to be more selfish? Hardly. When we intently focus on ourselves with the goal of becoming better persons, we are not acting selfishly so long as the betterment of who we are on the inside will benefit those around us, from our families and friends to coworkers and strangers we encounter every day.

Social studies prove that one’s own happiness has a direct influence on the happiness of family members, friends, and other men and women with whom we interact. There is a direct, though often subtle, connectedness between how one’s mood and actions can influence the mood and actions of others. Happiness begets happiness, and sadness begets sadness. Thus, when one embarks upon an inner journey to improve his or her Self– one’s spirit or soul, who one is on the inside–one person can necessarily come to improve the lives of those around him or her because more compassionate, happier, and positive people have a direct influence on everyone he or she encounters and interacts with.

Improving the Self is like Improving One’s Health

An equivalent of self-improvement and personal development through which one strives to better the Self in an unselfish way is focusing on one’s own health through exercise, eating well or even quitting smoking. Few of us would ever consider exercising, eating healthily or breaking the addiction to smoking cigarettes as selfish acts, and yet they place deliberate focus and attention upon one’s Self.

As with striving to be more healthy, improving our inner selves necessarily benefits those around us, too. If we quit smoking and live healthier lifestyles, we are lengthening our lives not only for ourselves but for our families and friends and all of those around us. When we strive to improve our thinking patterns and behaviors, and work to develop our inner spirits to be warmer and happier, everyone that we encounter benefits.

Showing concern for one’s self over others is selfish. But when we strive to become happier and more positive, work to foster a stronger and more compassionate spirit and become better people, we explicitly place attention on the development of ourselves for the definite betterment of those around us. In this way, we focus on ourselves without being selfish, because bringing out the best of us is what’s best for others.

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When we were children, few things seems as daunting as the clouds.

Untamed and mighty, as children we witnessed them wholly consume the skies and engulf entire days.

The clouds held some ruling authority over a powerless humanity below. These stallions of the sky came and departed as only they, or the Almighty, pleased.

When swirls of black and gray drew near, we hastily retreated to shelter. For the clouds brought winds and rain and wrought startling claps of thunder. Tiny hearts would patter nervously as we would play a foreboding game of hide and seek: with every flash of lightning, we would delicately count, “One one-thousand… two one-thousand… three one-thousand…,” trying to time the storm’s distance from our rooftops.

And when the storm did pass, we would emerge victorious again, if only with egos bruised in knowing how little we control the circumstances of our daily affairs. But little else can be expected of children. When naïve eyes are filled with sights as endless and grand as the clouds, life becomes only what can be seen before them. To children, their world is a view from below.

The Darkness that Grips Us

As we age, we grow with knowledge that all clouds shall pass. With experience we encounter heavy gusts and battering rains, and we learn to weather them. When days and weeks are consumed by darkness and cold, with humility we grow to cherish those that bring bright, blue skies and the Sun’s nurturing warmth.

We grow from youth — to maturity from naïveté — confident always that the clouds shall pass.

Today, it takes not a child to see what clouds have consumed the skies of our country and the American people. While as children we would stare overhead and witness clouds gather in shades of gray and black, as adults in today’s America we look up and see ominous shadows of staggering unemployment, floundering industry, prolonged foreign wars, an unfathomable national debt, rampant bureaucratic ineptness and spirits of vehement anger, corruption and scandal gripping our elected leaders. Darkness has engulfed the skies of our country; storm clouds have consumed our psyche.

We fear that this storm may never break. Each thunderous clap shakes once-proud American hegemony as we, below, fear that our country’s best days are long in the past. With each lightning strike of crisis — spanning financial, mortgage, credit, housing, health care, and other industries — we count the seconds, “One one-thousand… two one-thousand… three one-thousand…” praying that the onslaught of these storms that have wrought such a heavy toll, may, finally, pass us by.

The View from Above

We learned long ago that storms all shall pass, if only with time. But today, amid such days of dire struggle and heartache, our concerns and fears and impatience about the storms over our rooftops do not originate in childlike naïveté, but from the very real and uncharacteristically abusive punishment that these storms have beset upon our country and our neighbors. The storms have been so severe and unusually prolonged that we naturally look to the men and women who lead us with unrealistic expectations: as if by our desperation and collective will, the country’s elected leaders might somehow summon the power to court the clouds to leave us.

With great impatience and mounting frustration, we Americans, a democratic people, place all of our Will, our hope and our faith in either one group of our elected leaders or the other. What we soon come to realize is that both groups, operating under their usually-deceitful guises of partisanship, independently and on their own possess as much a chance of raising our country from its dire standings as do a handful of children standing upon a hill, blowing with all their might to shoo the storm clouds away.

We Must Rely Upon Ourselves

The tradition of party partisanship that has gripped our elected leaders has finally run stagnant. Our country is being battered with storms so severe than neither half of them will succeed in as few years as they are given to court the storm clouds away. Their games, their secretive deals, their idyllic ideologies, and indeed what they consider “leadership,” all must change. Both political parties in our country must replace their primary platforms with pragmatism. What we need is Common Sense. But we cannot rely on them to willfully change. To overcome these storms, we must depend upon ourselves.

In a democracy, the end-all be-all begins with “the people.” Weathering these storms starts in our homes, with our families. It starts on our streets and town sidewalks with friends and neighbors and strangers alike. We must embody, we must encourage, we must truly become the types of leaders that we would ideally wish to have lead our country.

The best among the American people must rise to meet the storm. For even on the darkest and most dreary of days, the sun shines still — if we look high enough.