The Past Does Not Define Us

By: Dave Ursillo

Share: 8 Comments
Tweet

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The past does not define us; what does is only what we choose to be.

We are slaves to the past only by our choosing. For it is only by unwillingness do we refuse to let the past remain there.

To enslave one’s self to the past is to relive it within one’s own mind — the past becomes an overbearing and overarching foe, an obstructing veil that colors what we do and how we live. Worst of all, those with whom we interact, those who cannot see and seldom realize the veil of the past that you choose to wear, suffer the consequences of misunderstanding, miscommunication, and strained relations.

The past serves us with lessons and reminders. The past is a path that has lead us to this moment. As a hiker does not dwell upon the rocks that caused her to slip, or the creek that demanded from her a leap of faith so that she might cross it, dwelling upon challenges and trials of our pasts serve only to obstruct us from living fully, today.

Allowing the past to define us today adversely affects friendships and relationships because we obligate others to determine, dissect, and understand occurrences and influences of the past that influence our behavior today. To willfully burden a friend, family member or lover with the task of unmasking and fully understand the unseen and increasingly-distant influences of the past is an unfair burden that will surely complicate happiness.

While the past has, of course, heavily influenced who we are and who we have become, it does not define, limit, or restrict us and who we choose to be. Our potential — what we allow ourselves to do today, and what we do on behalf of a better tomorrow — is always unlimited.

[fblike]

Please enable Javascript and Flash to view this Viddler video.

David Sloand

Great entry Dave!

You should, if you haven’t already, check out Sartre’s concept of “Bad Faith”. I think its one of the more uplifting, and truly human perspectives that he builds.

Keep it up, hope the book process is coming along. I’ll check back soon.

Nov 13 2009 / 11:11 am

David Sloand

Just to clarify:

When I said the concept of “Bad Faith” was uplifting, I meant that the conclusion, the extrapolation, that we, as human beings, are radically free entities and that our choices are not governed by historicity was, to me, encouraging. Obviously the concept of relinquishing our free will doesn’t particularly appeal, haha.

Nov 19 2009 / 05:11 pm

Sarah Rendon

I think this is my favorite piece so far! You should read Milan Kundera’s “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” for a completely different perspective on why we shouldn’t let the past define us. What he writes is deeply philosophical and has to do with the idea of eternal recurrence, but I think you would enjoy it.

Dec 07 2009 / 01:12 pm

Dave

Thank you for the compliment and recommendation. I’ve actually come across Kundera’s book before, either seeing it on the bookshelf or checking it out online, but have yet to read it. Thanks again!

Dec 08 2009 / 01:12 pm

Teresita

I completly agree with this passage.

Dec 08 2009 / 02:12 pm

LJ

I believe we must be grateful to our past and not blame it. The choices we made are what has brought us to where we are now. The lessons were necessary and growth is not designed to be comfortable.

Dec 23 2009 / 12:12 pm

Anna

Disagree whole heartedly.

Our EMOTIONAL past doesn’t have consequence on our present lives, however, decisions I made as long as 5 years ago (failing to finish high school, not going to college soon, having a young pregnancy, and moving across the country twice) are now limiting and controlling how I live my life now.

It’s never to late to try and change things, and we can take control now, but that doesn’t go against the fact that the past does and will continue to control us.

Dec 23 2009 / 12:12 pm

Dave

@Anna — I would respond by saying it’s only by your choosing do you let the past control you today and tomorrow. As LJ mentions, and as I state earlier in the comments, the past influences where we are today, OF COURSE! :)

The past has taken us to the present moment, but the intent of this piece is to say that if we hang on to the past and it prohibits us from moving forward in the present moment (and on behalf of tomorrow) that we are doign ourselves a disservice.

Dec 23 2009 / 02:12 pm

8 COMMENTS... READ 'EM BELOW AND SHARE A THOUGHT

ENJOY THIS? SHARE IT!

David Sloand

Great entry Dave!

You should, if you haven’t already, check out Sartre’s concept of “Bad Faith”. I think its one of the more uplifting, and truly human perspectives that he builds.

Keep it up, hope the book process is coming along. I’ll check back soon.

Nov 13 2009 / 11:11 am
David Sloand

Just to clarify:

When I said the concept of “Bad Faith” was uplifting, I meant that the conclusion, the extrapolation, that we, as human beings, are radically free entities and that our choices are not governed by historicity was, to me, encouraging. Obviously the concept of relinquishing our free will doesn’t particularly appeal, haha.

Nov 19 2009 / 05:11 pm
Sarah Rendon

I think this is my favorite piece so far! You should read Milan Kundera’s “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” for a completely different perspective on why we shouldn’t let the past define us. What he writes is deeply philosophical and has to do with the idea of eternal recurrence, but I think you would enjoy it.

Dec 07 2009 / 01:12 pm
Dave

Thank you for the compliment and recommendation. I’ve actually come across Kundera’s book before, either seeing it on the bookshelf or checking it out online, but have yet to read it. Thanks again!

Dec 08 2009 / 01:12 pm
Teresita

I completly agree with this passage.

Dec 08 2009 / 02:12 pm
LJ

I believe we must be grateful to our past and not blame it. The choices we made are what has brought us to where we are now. The lessons were necessary and growth is not designed to be comfortable.

Dec 23 2009 / 12:12 pm
Anna

Disagree whole heartedly.

Our EMOTIONAL past doesn’t have consequence on our present lives, however, decisions I made as long as 5 years ago (failing to finish high school, not going to college soon, having a young pregnancy, and moving across the country twice) are now limiting and controlling how I live my life now.

It’s never to late to try and change things, and we can take control now, but that doesn’t go against the fact that the past does and will continue to control us.

Dec 23 2009 / 12:12 pm
Dave

@Anna — I would respond by saying it’s only by your choosing do you let the past control you today and tomorrow. As LJ mentions, and as I state earlier in the comments, the past influences where we are today, OF COURSE! :)

The past has taken us to the present moment, but the intent of this piece is to say that if we hang on to the past and it prohibits us from moving forward in the present moment (and on behalf of tomorrow) that we are doign ourselves a disservice.

Dec 23 2009 / 02:12 pm