A Love Letter to the Half-Committed

Dear Half-Committed,

It’s hard for me to tell you this.

But I need to say it because I care. Because I want you to succeed. I want to see your book idea come to life. I want your small business endeavors to truly help people. I want you to be able to quit that office job that you loathe and live the very full life that you desire.

But you’re making it harder and harder for me to help you.

Because you’re not proving to me that you’re committed to yourself.

Your not going all-in. You’re not 100% committed. You’re dipping your toe in, dancing with the idea–a goal, a vision, “what could be”– and jumping back out again. That non-commitment is torpedoing your dreams. Suffocating new opportunities. Setting you up for a long, difficult, confusing and drawn out bout of stumbles.

Listen, we all have doubts. Struggles and obstacles. We all go through periods of incredible second-guessing. To a certain extent, that feeling is never going to disappear. You’ll never make a decision or start something new without a shred of doubt–I don’t believe that.

But because that doubt is always bound to be there, you need to be even more committed to yourself beyond the one project, one book idea, one business plan or one single goal, dream, plan, or product. You need to be committed. Fully, entirely and wholly committed to yourself.

You need to believe in you on a level that cannot, will not, ever dissipate.

You might think that you already are. But are you really?

Or are you guilty of sabotaging yourself in quiet, subtle ways, like shutting out new opportunities that knock on your door? When you receive an invitation, is your instinct to pooh-pooh it? Do you dismiss an introduction to a stranger, shut out a chance, default to an old habit rather than break a safe pattern?

When you’re not fully committed to yourself, people can tell. Readers, prospective customers, longtime clients can all feel it. Your non-commitment to yourself, in turn, becomes a glaring warning sign to others. It’s hard to trust someone who isn’t committed to oneself.

If you can’t fight for you, who will you fight for? Stand up to? Support? Love?

People will want to help you believe in you, of course. They will support you, bolster you, lift you up.

But they won’t be able to forever.

A lack of self-commitment shines through your actions, words and deeds. Canceling a few appointments with a client can easily tell them that you don’t really care. Even if you’re busy. Even if something comes up. It says that your client, whom you exist to serve, is a lesser priority.

Do you know who they’ll go to? Gravitate toward? Follow? Support?

Someone who makes them his or her priority. Someone who gives consistent expectations. Someone who maintains business with integrity, consistency, and responsibility.

When you’re not committed to yourself, it will trickle down to hurt your responsibilities and your commitments to others, every single time. I cannot stress this enough.

Non-commitment makes excuses. Non-commitment dodges things you’ve scheduled but now, in the 11th hour, want to avoid, escape or just say, “Meh, whatever, maybe tomorrow.”

How about showing up late to a coffee date with a friend, time and time again? Not responding to that friend who calls to say hello? You might well be tired, in a bad mood, not feeling well. Something may well come up that is an absolute emergency, sudden priority or total necessity.

But let’s be honest.

How often is something so important going to come up to make you cancel an appointment, a call, plans with a friend that you have scheduled weeks ago?

What if you’ve already canceled once? Or three times?

When is enough enough?

When are you going to finally commit to yourself enough to commit to that friend, partner, client or soul who is dying to spend time with you?

Don’t underestimate the importance of being self-committed. Everything starts here. And everything ends here. It begins and ends with self-commitment.

No, your self-commitment doesn’t guarantee a damn thing.

But without it, you will fail, guaranteed.

And if you’re not totally committed to who you are or what you’re doing or the people who you wish to help, it’s going to show.

It’ll be glaring. It’ll be obvious–if not to you, then to those clients and customers who won’t reschedule that appointment you canceled on them or feel inclined to buy another book or product when the first was sloppy, hastily finished and lacking the very things you promised them.

Non-commitment shines through, every time.

And, sadly, the longer you go without being committed to yourself, the less and less motivated I will be to fight for you. The fewer reasons I have to believe in you. Because you’re showing me that you’re not committed to yourself.

I want to see you succeed. To thrive. To flourish. I’ll always want that for you.

But if you can’t prove that you want it for yourself, how can you expect anyone else to want it for you?

You are your priority. So make self-commitment your new priority, first and foremost.

Nothing is more important than being committed to yourself. If that feels selfish, remember this: your commitments to your family, friends, customers, clients, dreams and goals all flow through you and your self-belief.

If self-commitment affects all of these important pieces, tell me, what’s less selfish than that?

With committed love,

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